Day 107

Obamacare is on life support, just like the republican control of congress if they pass Trumpcare. Donnie divorce is celebrating in Jersey with the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake because that’s how you celebrate killing people. Trump did say that Australia has better medical coverage this week…maybe because they’ve got the Souvlaki Hut!

Day 108

The House left a flaming bag of dog ūüí©on the Senate doorstep. Will they let it burn, or put a foot in it? The spin doctors are out rationalizing the tax breaks for the rich this morning. The HHS Secretary said those tax cuts are going to make healthcare better. The leading healthcare coverage is going to be GOFUNDME.COM at this rate. One thing that can’t be improved by tax breaks is souvlaki.

Day 109

The French elections probably saved Europe from becoming Putin’s doormat. Le Pen’s party is seeing if they can get one of those electoral college things in France so a bunch of hillbillies can elect a bigot. 

Sally Yates is set to testify and I’m hoping she lays the foundation for what history will call the Trump Impeachment Trials. I’m sure an acronym will be created that will make that easier to remember. 

Warren Buffet has come out to say that Trumpcare is just a tax break for rich folks. Can’t wait for the healthcare to trickle down to the working class. 

Jared Kushner’s sister is selling Visas to Chinese businessmen for an investment of $500,000. Where’s the free market when you need it? Visas should only cost $250,000. What’s worth half a million? Souvlaki!

Day 110

Sally Yates spent her day explaining how Trump kept Flynn in his position for 18 days after knowing that he was probably being blackmailed by the Russians. Trump spent his day tweeting really, really intelligent comments like “fake news” “old news” “check out my new rap album.” Good thing Trump has enough time on his tiny hands to spend all day watching Fox News. I guess when you’ve met all your campaign promises you’ve got nothing better to do. Let me see: Wall Built/Mexico Paid, Hillary in Jail, China Labeled Currency Manipulator, Obamacare revoked and replaced by something better…Well, at least we still have souvlaki!

Day 111

Donnie comb-over is trying to cover something other than his bald spot by firing James Comey. Remember the good old days? Trump blew Comey a kiss…oh, I hate it when young love gets spoiled by Russian spying investigations. Some news agencies are reporting that Comey was handing out subpoenas when he got the sack. Speaking of sacks. The new FBI director will probably be a 150-pound bag of money named Ralphie. Oh, and on the international front, Anonymous predicted WWIII yesterday, and we are selling arms to Kurds in Turkey, which isn’t making Turkey happy. I hope his Trump building in Turkey doesn’t get shut down. You know what is better than a turkey sandwich? Souvlaki!

Day 112

Names of folks to replace Comey as FBI director are flying. I’m sure Trump will pick the best person for the job…maybe Fox News’ Judge Napolitano, or Jeannie Pirro? Mike Pence said that Comey’s firing was not caused by Russian investigation and I would believe him if I thought Trump never lies to Pence. 

Betsy DeVos had a bad day. She went to make a commencement speech and ended up getting booed. It’s a shame. People should be more respectful of people who worked hard to achieve. Those graduates will spend the next ten years paying off student loans while Betsy gets a billion-dollar tax break, someone should have RESPECTED the graduates by not having a silver spooned robot show up to a ceremony celebrating education and hard work. 

Comey might still testify for the Intelligence Committee which could be interesting since he is now free from constraints. Who knows what he might say. If he is under oath, I’m certain he would have to admit that souvlaki is the best.

Day 113

Trump turned up the crazy dial to 11 yesterday. First, he invited the Russian press into the Oval Office to take pictures of him with two of the guys involved in the Russian election scandal. Trump said, “Next time bring some KGB guys to plant bugs.” The US press, the enemy, was not invited in because Trump was worried, they’d ask him a question he’d later have to contradict. 

Trump did have a cray-cray interview with Lester Holt where we found out that Comey assured Trump that Trump was innocent, that Comey begged to stay on the job, that Comey is a showboater, that Comey just looks tall but is really 5’10”, that Trump ate a beautiful piece of chocolate cake, that Comey assured Trump three times that he was innocent, that Trump probably illegally interfered with an ongoing investigation by questioning Comey, that Trump was innocent of anything involving Russia, and that Trump shouldn’t ever allow people with brains to interview him. 

Flynn is now refusing to turn over papers to investigators. He’s probably holding out for a plea deal before he rolls over on the ducktail coiffed cheeto.

In other related news, a Russian jet flew within twenty feet of a US jet. (I realize this has been going on for a few years.) Where is Tom Cruise when you need him?. Come on Maverick! America turns its lonely eye to you! 

America also needs a Souvlaki Hut!

Day 114

The Trump alternative facts global tour continues its fourth month being pursued by the truth. Trump threatened ex-FBI Director Comey with mysterious “tapes” of their conversations. Comey reportedly said he would love to have those released. Things we’ll learn from the Trump tapes: Comey refused to kiss Trump’s ring, Trump interfered with an ongoing investigation, Trump is already collecting books for his presidential library (so far, he has: Go Dog Go, The Art of the Deal, and Obama’s long form birth certificate), and Trump wants to bring back the USFL. 

Trump is shortening his list of FBI directors. Right now the list looks like this: Draco Malvoy (aka Trey Goudie), a month old loaf of sourdough bread, Perry Mason, Vladimir Putin, Jared Kushner, Harry Hole, a 6 foot mirror on rollers, a 60″ television tuned to Fox and Friends, and the bush Sean Spicer hid behind to avoid talking to the press. One thing that will never appear on the list is souvlaki, because it always tells the truth.

Day 115

Carl Bernstein just said that he thinks the Trump-Russia stuff is more dangerous than Watergate. Fox News said they asked for a Trump spokesman to address the firing of Comey…Trump refused…Chris Wallace began his show by discussing Trump’s contradictions. When will we get a few republicans to stand up and ask for an independent counsel? 

Trump’s upcoming trip to Saudi Arabia, Israel, and the Vatican is going to be interesting. Chances he’ll start a war:20%. Chances he’ll Tweet something offensive after leaving a nation: 90%. Chances he’ll say something uninformed and crazy: 110%. Chance he’ll eat a souvlaki on his visit: 50%.

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