Day: January 3, 2021

Day 127

Well Donnie lost another legal battle, that makes it Trump= 0, Laws=3. I am tired of all this winning. Speaking of winning, Jared Kushner is winning the race to be the first Trumpiod to end up in jail. He is now the focus of the FBI investigation into Russian influence in the election. The Kush will be a delicious dish in prison, he looks good in orange. 

The NATO meetings were a cornucopia of crazy. Trump pushed the Montenegrin Prime Minister so he could be in the front of the line like he was a three-year old racing to get birthday cake. Trump’s lucky he didn’t do that to the Italian PM. Melania would be getting a fish wrapped in a newspaper and a note that says, “Donnie sleeps with the fishes.” Then Trump did his handshake thing with French Prime Minister Macron. Macron has real man hands and squashed Donnies little mitts like they were made of Playdough. To top it off, Donnie gave a speech without a teleprompter and it did not go well. The other NATO leaders were laughing. To me, it was a cross between a 10th grader giving a speech written by his mother and a eulogy given by a 90-year-old man at a funeral of a person he didn’t really know well. 

Back in the USA, Montana elected a pro-wrestler who came out of retirement to body slam a reporter. I hope the lawsuit for this one goes the distance. In Michigan, some ICE agents sat down, had breakfast, complimented the chef, and then arrested three people working at the restaurant. Bring me your tired, your poor, your people willing to do jobs others aren’t so I can deport them. Yep, this is our nation right now. Good thing we can still hold out hope that a Souvlaki Hut might be coming to a neighborhood near you.

Day 128

Donnie Long-Tie-Short-Digits is heading back to the US after a successful trip of confirming every American stereotype to the world. He said he is going to make his decision about the Paris Accord in a week or so. I’m sure he’ll do what he usually does, which is get away from someone and then insult them, so get ready for him to blast all the European leaders once he is back in Florida. 

Fellow Orange man, John Boehner has declared the Trump Presidency a disaster so far. That’s the kind of bold stance ex-politicians take after they are living on their federal retirement while planning to become a lobbyist. 

The KUSH, Jared…not the Subway sandwich Jared but the slumlord Jared, is in a bit of hot water with the Russian investigation. Reports are that he was trying to set up back-channel communication with the Kremlin. They decided the best way to go was to open MySpace accounts and do it that way. No one would ever see it except for Tom. 

Betsy DeVos was out attempting to defend her education budget. Nothing like someone who has never really had a real job telling poor people to pull themselves up by their leather Gucci bootstraps. (Does Gucci make leather boots? Add that to things I don’t know.) 

After the successful assault on journalism in Montana, the governor of Texas (full-time governor, part-time village idiot) suggested shooting journalists. “I’ll take your first amendment and raise you a second amendment. YEE HAW!” Let’s arm journalists, teachers, students, anyone who visits the governor of Texas and see how that works out. More guns = more peace. 

The only way to truly bring peace to this world is to arm people with souvlaki! It soothes the savage heart.

Day 129

Donnie “National Embarrassment, or MAGA” Trump is back on American soil and thinking about whether he will keep us in the Paris Climate Accord. His closest aides are saying he will have us pull out because the pull-out methodology is better than abstinence…where are all the pro-lifers when it comes to saving the people currently living on planet Earth? (If you don’t believe in global climate change, then explain to me how it will hurt jobs to move away from a carbon-based economy. Leading in this area could actually make American great.) 

The federal prison system is probably going to get a fashion make over if THE KUSH keeps on his current track. I can’t imagine Ivanka would want her husband in those ugly orange jumpsuits. She’ll be designing a new orange outfit that goes well with all the various activities in the big house: Dining room fights, shanking someone in the yard, sleeping with your eyes open, and showering with your clothes on. 

It also sounds like there is going to be a big shake-up in the White House staff. Spicer better start polishing his resume. First Trump wouldn’t let him see the Pope (Spicer is a practicing Catholic) and now he is probably going to get his walking papers. I can’t wait to read his tell all book titled: The Lies I Told, My Life as a Fairy-Tale Strumpet. 

If Bannon gets the boot, his tell-all book will be in cookbook form. Page one: Souvlaki!

Day 130

Paul “Ayn Rand” Ryan had a bad day yesterday when a group of middle school kids visiting Washington DC refused to have their picture taken with him. Kids can sense evil, so I totally understand why he couldn’t get within ten feet of them. 

Donnie Orange Glow is going to have his tiny hands full as he tries to decide how to deal with North Korea. They are shooting off rockets like they are planning to invade Mars. Who knew dealing with a crazed leader was going to be difficult? (Who knew…Trump’s slogan for his 2020 campaign.) 

I listened to pundits yesterday saying that what THE KUSH did was perfectly normal. You know, normal like in a Tom Clancy novel where people are committing treason. Remember when Obama had a fund-raising meeting at Bill Ayers house in 1995? People lost their minds and now they are saying, “Of course we should have back channel communication with nations that want to destroy democracy.” If I’m going to destroy anything on this Memorial Day it is a souvlaki.

Day 131

President Trump made it through a speech without making it about himself, so I’m going to give him credit for sticking to the script while at Arlington. Now if he could do this for the next 1300 days, I’d be mildly happy. 

French President Macron admitted to squashing Trump’s hand and then squashed Putin during a speech while Putin stood right next to him. Merkel announced that Europe is going to forge ahead and lead the way since the US is now driving from the back seat. Maybe that it good, maybe it isn’t. 

In the US, thirteen senators are hiding in a bunker determining the fate of healthcare in America. I’m sure the plan is going to be single payer, universal healthcare, or they might choose Thunderdome. 

Reports about THE KUSH are getting more and more detailed. By the time this is over the republican party will be saying that treason is a perfectly legitimate reaction to the possibility of having Hillary as president. Hypocrisy taste best rolled up in a souvlaki.

Day 132

The best part of waking up this morning was seeing “Covfefe” trending on Twitter. Trump was either summoning the evil spirit of Covfefe or fell asleep while tweeting. He was ranting about the fake news when he hit send and left an unusually indecipherable note. (Which is really saying something since the bar for indecipherable messaging has been lowered to a slice of printer paper during the Trump presidency.) The message stayed up for six hours…

False reports also said that Trump had gained five million twitter followers recently. The claim was that they were all bots, and he was going to take over skynet, but it turned out that he had only gained about 900,000 and many of them were bot accounts. Twitter believed that someone was trying to get Trump’s account kicked off Twitter for violating the service agreement. I wonder who? Sean Spicer has been seen much lately. 

Flynn is turning over some papers to one of the investigations. Should be interesting to see if any of his notes say, “Trump told me to.” 

Trump was complaining about Germany again. “They don’t pay enough, the trade deficit is too high, I own two German cars…” Germany supports 670,000 American jobs so let’s not get too crazy about Germany’s lack of economic support. 

Kathy Griffin did something stupid, tasteless, and not funny. (If you missed the news, it was a fake beheading of Trump.) She will probably not get invited to the White House during the Trump presidency, or during the upcoming Pence presidency, or the Warren presidency. No one should normalize this kind of behavior…insert picture of Ted Nugent at the White House here. 

Tasteless isn’t what anyone can say about a souvlaki after they have taken just one bite.

Day 133

The day after the covfefe tweet, Sean Spicer had to humiliate himself again by claiming that Trump and a few other people knew what it meant. I’d feel bad for Spicer and his Faustian deal if I didn’t think I’d be seeing him for the next 20 years on Faux News continuing his lies. 

Everyone is waiting to see if Trump is going to pull out of the Paris Accord. It’s the wrong thing to do, so I guess you know what he’ll do. He follows the George Constanza decision making process: If everyone in the world tells you to do something…do the opposite. 

Trump is thinking of returning the Russian property Obama confiscated in retaliation for the hacking. I have a feeling it won’t be the last bit of land Trump will be returning: Poland? Czech Republic? Baltic Nations? Why would Trump do this? No, I mean logically, why would Trump do this? The only logical explanation is that the Russians have some kind of leverage on him. 

Hillary was back yesterday talking about why she lost the election. Let me just say this one time, “Hillary, go home. Put your feet up and watch Netflix.” Faux News will be playing Hillary clips for the next six months and talking about Benghazi and servers while the Trump turnip truck rolls down the street committing treason and colluding with Russia. 

Subpoenas are out and it looks to me like the House Republicans are going to spend all their time focusing on Susan Rice. This is the kind of stupidity that can’t be explained, but it plays well on the propaganda channels supporting the republican talking points. 

Comey will testify next week. This should be interesting. If 

M— W—-

doesn’t tag this post with Rage Against the Machine’s Testify I will be disappointed, but I’ll never be disappointed by souvlaki.

Day 134

Trump promised to pull out and he pulled out. “I’m the President of Pittsburgh not Paris.” Actually, you’re the President of the United States for a few more months and then you’ll be able to go back to your underwater home in Florida. (By the way, the mayor of Pittsburgh thinks you’re an idiot.) If Trump were president during the industrial revolution would he have protected those horses driven plowing jobs? What about all the telephone operators who lost their jobs when direct dialing became possible? Thank God someone protected those American Online jobs…

The Pentagon and the Sierra Club agree that something must be done to curb global warming…but Trump believes it’s a hoax because he has a degree in Environmental Science from Trump University. 

Elon Musk and a bunch of other heavy hitters have dropped out of Trump’s advisory board and I think the lesson everyone should learn from this decision is that Trump is unable to process information and change his mind. Advising him is like advising my dog not to bark at the mirror where he sees a black dog barking at him. 

French President Macron and the Weather Channel are both trolling Tump and I’m sure Faux News is celebrating the coal jobs we will keep. Backward progress is always good for the economy. 

I’m glad the Souvlaki Hut continues to improve their product. The days of soggy souvlaki are over.

Day 135

Vlad Putin popped his shiny head out of the ground to say that the Russian hacking was done by patriots. I wonder if these are the same “patriots” who invaded Georgia and attacked a Baltic capital. If so, then patriots mean KGB. That’s as close to an admission as I need. 

Pencil in Thursday as the day we get hear from Comey. That means you can pencil in Wednesday for some crazy tweets from the tiny digits of the Trumpster. 

Fallout for the Paris accord continues but Trump supporters are happy. Probably because most of them are in their 70s and won’t be around much longer. Who cares about global disaster where you’re only going to be around for a few more years? That’s sad, but not as sad as a world without souvlaki.

Day 136

The good news about the Paris Accord is that the world is going to move on without us. I guess this is what it feels like to live in a second world country with a senile, orange dictator. 

Trump did have a series of tweets about the London attacks right after the attacks happened which makes it curious that he can’t find his twitter account when a white racist terrorist attacks other. Trump did call his travel ban a ban in his tweet, so I guess he didn’t learn from the first and second round of, “It’s not a ban. It’s something else.” Good luck in court Señor Cheeto. 

Intel reports place Trump, Sessions, THE KUSH, and Kislyak at the Mayflower hotel last April. This is going to cause a problem for both Sessions and THE KUSH. If so, Sessions perjured himself and it is one more meeting that THE KUSH did not report on his SF-86 (security clearance form). 

I listened to a podcast explain how the SF-86 forms are filled out. (THE KUSH has been saying he just forgot about the meetings.)

The form gets filled out. Then you get to sit down with someone who walks you through your form. They warn you multiple times about what can happen if you lie. Then they investigate and talk to lots of people. If you pass it all, you get a security clearance. (The podcast guy described the process as really serious and scary, as in, don’t lie because you can go to jail for five years.) THE KUSH did not report any of his meetings with Russians. Some of the meetings took place a week before he filled out the form. Not something you’d forget. When THE KUSH resubmitted his form (“I forgot when I was committing treason and when I was just being a tool”) he still left off meetings. If it talks like a duck, looks like a duck, flies like a duck, swims like a duck…it’s probably a duck. 

You know what tastes great with duck? Souvlaki!