Trump is in Hamburg for the G20 summit. Today, he met with Vlad “The Election Impaler” Putin. They shook hands, Trump announced he saw good things happening between Russia and the US. I hope that doesn’t mean we’ll all be eating borsch and wearing Puma track suits soon. 

Yesterday, Trump shook hands with Merkel. This was after he gave her the cold shoulder when she came to the US. I think this was before he got the presidential job description. (1. You are expected to act in a dignified manner.) Now that Trump has been told, I’m assuming through a picture book, what his job entails, I’m sure he’ll be doing a much better job being the president. He couldn’t resist taking a few cheap shots at the media, but what can you expect from a 12-year-old narcissist?

Poor Melania Trump was trapped in her tower like a princess. The protestors made it impossible for her to get out and grab a few yummy German pastries. She wanted to hang out in the Reeperbahn and see a few shows, but that’s the price you pay for marrying an overgrown Umpa Loompa. If she snuck out and took the ICE train to Berlin, she could get some good authentic Turkish food, she might even find a souvlaki.