Donnie Long-Tie-Short-Digits is heading back to the US after a successful trip of confirming every American stereotype to the world. He said he is going to make his decision about the Paris Accord in a week or so. I’m sure he’ll do what he usually does, which is get away from someone and then insult them, so get ready for him to blast all the European leaders once he is back in Florida. 

Fellow Orange man, John Boehner has declared the Trump Presidency a disaster so far. That’s the kind of bold stance ex-politicians take after they are living on their federal retirement while planning to become a lobbyist. 

The KUSH, Jared…not the Subway sandwich Jared but the slumlord Jared, is in a bit of hot water with the Russian investigation. Reports are that he was trying to set up back-channel communication with the Kremlin. They decided the best way to go was to open MySpace accounts and do it that way. No one would ever see it except for Tom. 

Betsy DeVos was out attempting to defend her education budget. Nothing like someone who has never really had a real job telling poor people to pull themselves up by their leather Gucci bootstraps. (Does Gucci make leather boots? Add that to things I don’t know.) 

After the successful assault on journalism in Montana, the governor of Texas (full-time governor, part-time village idiot) suggested shooting journalists. “I’ll take your first amendment and raise you a second amendment. YEE HAW!” Let’s arm journalists, teachers, students, anyone who visits the governor of Texas and see how that works out. More guns = more peace. 

The only way to truly bring peace to this world is to arm people with souvlaki! It soothes the savage heart.