Day 119

I was home yesterday with a 130-degree temperature. (This is an estimate, I was too sick to check my temperature, it could have been 150.) I woke up at one point and saw CNN was saying a special counsel had been named and the person named, Mueller, was a rational and trusted human. I figured my fever had altered reality, but it turns out it really happened. Trump found the phone Sean Spicer hid from him. (I believe Mike Pence helps Trump find the phone each time Spicer hides it: “Here it is, Donnie. Start Tweeting.”) Trump Tweeted that this is the biggest witch hunt ever…I’ve said it before…I’m all for a witch hunt if it ends in the traditional method. 

To balance the rational job additions with a wackjob, Trump hired David Clarke’s mustache to help with national security. That mustache might be cheaper than a wall. It could cover about 1,000 miles of the southern border. 

Oh, let’s not forget that Trump is still looking for an FBI director. He’s narrowed it down to four: A pitcher of iced tea, A poster that says “Big Brother is Watching,” Barron Trump, and Sarah Palin. 

In souvlaki news, China is banning dog meat at a food festival. That’s great news for dogs and for souvlaki!

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