Day 100

Winning…Winning…Winning. It’s time to count up the wins. Remember when you weren’t tired of winning? Those days are long gone. Let’s count them up: 

Mexican paid for walls: 0

Hillarys in jail: 0

Largest crowds: 0

Sean Spicer Meltdowns: 8

Extremely Vetted Muslim bans: 0 for 2

Wiretaps by Obama: 0

Jobs for Jared Kushner: 1,000,567 

Evidence of 3 million illegal voters: 0

Obamacare gone: 0

Replacement for Obamacare (better and cheaper): 0

Swamp drainage: 0

Racist gnomes in cabinet: 1

Term limits on Congress: 0

NAFTA canceled: 0

Treason investigations: 3

NATO gone: 0

Bloated Jabba the Hut advisors: 1

China labeled Currency Manipulator: 0

Taxes Simplified: (Not sure how to grade this because a single double spaced sheet of paper has been presented to the American people.) I’m going to grade that a .0001

Coal Jobs back: 0

American steel used in pipeline: 0

Infrastructure fixed: 0

Supreme court appointee: 1

Betsy DeVos fixes public education: 0 (I’ll give her credit for zero bear attacks while Education Secretary.) 

Affordable Childcare: 0

Wars started: 0 (If we get through the next 100 days without a war, I’ll be really surprised.)

Advisors working for Russia: 3, maybe 5, possibly 7

Rounds of Golf: 19

Times Trump has touched Melania since election: 5

Hours spent in tanning booth: 400

Hours spent taking photo ops: 30

Hours spent watching Fox News: 600

Hours spent signing legislation: 0

Hours spent signing Constitutionally illegal executive orders: 7

Hours spent eating chocolate cake: 13

Hours spent finding pants that don’t make him look fat: 70

Hours spent Tweeting: 113

Hours spent Tweeting false information: 112.5

Hours spent furniture shopping with ladies not his wife: 7

Family member hired: 2

Hours spent playing with Kim Jong-un doll: 14

Hours spent honking semi-truck horn: .6

Hours spent wishing he had a souvlaki: 24,000

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