Winning…Winning…Winning. It’s time to count up the wins. Remember when you weren’t tired of winning? Those days are long gone. Let’s count them up:
Mexican paid for walls: 0
Hillarys in jail: 0
Largest crowds: 0
Sean Spicer Meltdowns: 8
Extremely Vetted Muslim bans: 0 for 2
Wiretaps by Obama: 0
Jobs for Jared Kushner: 1,000,567
Evidence of 3 million illegal voters: 0
Obamacare gone: 0
Replacement for Obamacare (better and cheaper): 0
Swamp drainage: 0
Racist gnomes in cabinet: 1
Term limits on Congress: 0
NAFTA canceled: 0
Treason investigations: 3
NATO gone: 0
Bloated Jabba the Hut advisors: 1
China labeled Currency Manipulator: 0
Taxes Simplified: (Not sure how to grade this because a single double spaced sheet of paper has been presented to the American people.) I’m going to grade that a .0001
Coal Jobs back: 0
American steel used in pipeline: 0
Infrastructure fixed: 0
Supreme court appointee: 1
Betsy DeVos fixes public education: 0 (I’ll give her credit for zero bear attacks while Education Secretary.)
Affordable Childcare: 0
Wars started: 0 (If we get through the next 100 days without a war, I’ll be really surprised.)
Advisors working for Russia: 3, maybe 5, possibly 7
Rounds of Golf: 19
Times Trump has touched Melania since election: 5
Hours spent in tanning booth: 400
Hours spent taking photo ops: 30
Hours spent watching Fox News: 600
Hours spent signing legislation: 0
Hours spent signing Constitutionally illegal executive orders: 7
Hours spent eating chocolate cake: 13
Hours spent finding pants that don’t make him look fat: 70
Hours spent Tweeting: 113
Hours spent Tweeting false information: 112.5
Hours spent furniture shopping with ladies not his wife: 7
Family member hired: 2
Hours spent playing with Kim Jong-un doll: 14
Hours spent honking semi-truck horn: .6
Hours spent wishing he had a souvlaki: 24,000