A Shorter Week: 93-99 Days

Day 93:

The Russian hangman’s noose looms above the Trump administration. Carter Page, Manafort, Betsy DeVos’ brother, and Flynn all seem to be involved in something not so good. Media reports are increasing which probably means Trump is getting an itchy Twitter finger. 

Trump had the three idiots of the apocalypse visit the White House (Kid Rock, Ted Nugget, Sarah Palin). There were some great photo opportunities which I was certain were photoshopped, but I was wrong…they are that stupid and disrespectful. You know what else is stupid? Having something other than a souvlaki for lunch.

Day 94:

New polls released today show that Trump’s approval rating has hit an all-time low. 75% of Americans don’t trust him. I wonder why? Maybe it was the wall that Mexico was going to pay for, or the replacing of Obamacare with something better/cheaper, or maybe it was the Armada he sent to North Korea that was actually in the Indian Ocean, or maybe it was the American steel that was going to build the pipeline, or maybe it was the number of advisors who have gotten money from Russia, or maybe it was when he said Obama wiretapped him, or maybe it was when he said that Pavarotti was a good friend, or when he said NATO was obsolete, or when he said he didn’t know Steve Bannon before the campaign, or when he said 3 million people voted illegally, or when 69% of his statements have been rated Mostly False-False-or Pants on Fire by Politifact, or when he said his crowds were the largest ever, or…I could go on for a long time, but instead…what isn’t a lie is that souvlaki is delicious.

Day 95:

A budget showdown between the republicans and the republicans and the democrats and a wall could come to a head this week. Trump is showing his usual leadership by holding a rally where he will probably brag about winning the election and announcing that Guatemala is now going to pay for the wall. If you want to feel really uncomfortable about the future watch John Oliver’s piece on Ivanka and Jared Kushner…I wish my dad had donated $2.5 million to Harvard. (Not really, I wish he had $2.5 million to donate to me.) Mike Pence should be back from his “countries Trump couldn’t find on a map” tour. One of his stops was Australia, home of the Souvlaki Hut! I hope he dropped in and got a taste of freedom.

Day 96:

Trump said yesterday that he didn’t think North Korea was a strong as they think they are. (This is called projection.) North Korea said they would blow up the Carl Vinson with one bomb. Trump gathered everyone together to brief them on North Korea…anyone else think this isn’t going to end well? 

Trump’s famous negotiating skills are being tested by the silly, artificial 100 day deadline that he promoted about a zillion times when he was running for office, but this was before he found out that being president was hard…and healthcare was complicated… and that China couldn’t just stop North Korea…and that Melania didn’t love him…and that tanning booths make you look like an orange raccoon…and that Mexico isn’t paying for a wall…and that the budget ceiling would need to be raised on his 100th day or he’ll get blamed for shutting the doors of government. It’s tough being a lying windbag, but it’s harder being the leader of the free world. Who knew? 

One thing no one is confused about is the deliciousness of souvlaki.

Day 97:

Michael “Lock Her Up” Flynn had a bad day yesterday. Flynn will probably be the first member of the Trump armada to be convicted of a crime. I’m guessing he won’t be the last. Trump has had another set-back in his plan to write executive orders that are unconstitutional. Another “so called” judge told him that he couldn’t punish sanctuary cities by cutting off taxes. This made little Donnie really, really mad. You know what else made him mad? Nobody wants to pay for his stupid wall. Mexico said no, the taxpayers are saying no, congress is saying no…what he needs to do is take us all out furniture shopping, then he can grab us by the southern border. You know what grabs me by the southern border? Souvlaki!

Day 98:

The negotiator and chief has been at it again, this time it was NAFTA. First we were out, and now we’re back in. What did we gain from this great deal? Nothing. You know who is going to get something from Trump’s tax plan? Well, his family. My family will get about $10, his family $4 billion. That seems fair. Oh, wait, he doesn’t pay taxes. North Korea has announced they are going to arm four million little kids with atomic weapons. That seemed like an odd threat, but who knows maybe they have atomic diapers in NK. The FCC chairman is moving to eliminate net neutrality. I’m sure that will make the internet better…and selling everyone’s browsing history…what could go wrong? It’s times like these that I fall back on the one truth that I can trust…souvlaki = tasty.

Day 99:

Just one day left for Trump to notch a few marks in the accomplishment belt. It’s a pretty big belt with one notch so far. Trump has warned of a “Major, Major” conflict with North Korea…is it just me or was he channeling a little Catch 22 there? This got me thinking, has there ever been a dictator with a normal haircut and facial hair? Stalin had a big mustache, Hitler…no need to explain that one, Kim Jung Un’s haircut is something else, and then there’s Trump. He hasn’t reached dictator statue yet, but the hairstyle certainly leans that way. I’m not sure where Trump stands on NAFTA this morning, but I’m betting that if it means Ivanka won’t get to sit next to Justin Trudeau any longer then Trump will probably be staying with NAFTA. “Daddy…don’t be mean to Justin. He’s so cute.” You want to look as good as Justin? Start eating souvlaki!

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