A Shorter Week: 86-92 Days

Day 86:

Trump’s back in Florida this weekend as the US and North Korea play a really scary game of “I know you are, but what am I?” Two leaders with two bad haircuts are trash talking their way toward Armageddon. I think Trump is hoping to end the world before he has to turn in another secret tax form. In other news, Trump is not going to release who visits the White House. The swamp is really happy about that change. Drain the swamp! Lock her up! Build a wall! Eat a souvlaki!

Day 87:

North Korea’s rocket launch took off just like the Trump Presidency, it self-destructed before getting off the launch pad. Behind closed doors, Trump killed retirement protections for poor folks and killed federal dollars for women’s healthcare because government is bad unless you’re spending tax dollars on war. Marches wanting Trump to release his taxes took place all over the US (70% of Americans want to see them) and Trump took to twitter to say that nobody cares. I predict that when his taxes get released/leaked we’ll see something interesting and possibly worthy of impeachment. (You heard it here first.) you know what else I’m on the forefront of? Souvlaki!

Day 88:

The Carl Vinson is being chased around the North Korean peninsula by a Chinese warship and a Russian warship…what could go wrong? In unreliable news that I read over the weekend: Sounds like Carter Page went to Russia with a tape recording of Trump who asked for help with the election. “You help me with crooked Hillary and I’ll cut the sanctions on Russia.” The tape has been referred to in conversations between Page and Manafort that were recorded by the NSA. I’m betting this rumor turns out to be true…or at least as true as anything Trump says. You know what tastes best with the truth? Souvlaki!

Day 89:

The Trump taxes fiasco continues to build. His supporters don’t seem to care, “What difference does it make?” Umm…he’s about to propose changes to the tax code, maybe we should know why. It isn’t like there has been a list of things Trump has pushed for personal gain…or is there a list? Oh, yeah there are some folks suing him for breaking the emoluments clause. Speaking of weaselly behavior. Where’s Rudy Giuliani? I hear he might be working with the FBI to spill some beans to save his own neck. The irony is delicious. You know what else is delicious? Souvlaki!

Day 90:

I need to make a correction an earlier post. The USS Carl Vinson (the Armada?) was not heading to North Korea and being followed by China and Russia. It was in the Indian Ocean, thousands of miles away. My source, Donald Trump, had given me bad information…I should know better by now. The business dealings of the Trump family are coming into conflict with Big Daddy’s governing. Ivanka met with the Chinese PM and now her business is getting more Chinese trademarks. Too bad the guy who owns Souvlaki Hut can’t get the same kind of protections, but maybe his dad wasn’t as brilliant and bigly smart as the Donald. I’m not sure if Tiffany Trump is married or not, but I hear China is a growth market for souvlaki. Just a thought.

Day 91:

It was a tough day for the old Donald. He lost a good media friend, Bill O’Reilly. The two men cut a swath through the fields of political correctness and snowflake land. The two men share of love of false hyperbole and sexual assault. Now, the cheeto stands alone. Jason “My haircut looks like a chia pet” Chafitz has announced that he is going to leave the house and spend more time with his family…in other words, run for Governor of Utah where he can shout “Benghazi” when anyones asks what his plans for the future are. Chris Christie’s favorite musical artist, Bruuuuuuccccccceeeee, has released an anti-Trump song. I haven’t heard it yet, but I’m betting there’s a part that mentions souvlaki!

Day 92:

Jeffro Bowdeen Sessions Jr/Sr has expressed his distaste for a Pacific Island that is making his job difficult. Someone needs to tell Mr. Sessions to take off his pointy white hat and maybe make the eyeholes bigger so he can see that Hawaii is a state in the USA, and, just in case he doesn’t realize it, states have judicial systems. 

In other news, Mr. Trump is quickly approaching his first 100 days, I know I didn’t think we would make it either. This calendar milestone has sent him into a panic of promises so that he can add something to his list of one accomplishment (appoint someone to the Supreme Court). Right now, it looks like he has latched back onto the Zombie Healthcare bill that will strip 24 million people of health coverage and give wealthy folks a big tax break. Sounds great. You know what also sounds great? Souvlaki!

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