A Year Of tRUMP

A Shorter Week: 79-85 Days

Day 79:

Trump got his Supreme Court Justice through which is a win for Citizens United and continues the US on the path to kleptocracy. If you like your minimum wage jobs, polluting corporations, and loss of workers’ rights than this is a win for you. The republican Senate used the nuclear option to get him confirmed so that won’t come back to bite us in the ass, right? The bids for the wall are in and since Mexico isn’t paying for it, I’m hoping the winning bid ends up like the Stonehenge monument in Spinal Tap. Oh yeah, Trump’s bombing of Syria has us heading toward some kind of conflict with Russia. Maybe they’ll start leaking Trump stuff through Wikileaks now. I hear that Putin’s favorite spot to grab a bite when he’s in Australia is the Souvlaki Hut!

Day 80:

Interesting discussion on Sunday talk shows about how chemical attacks are easier to watch on tv than other types of attacks. The main point was that civilian deaths of children are happening every day in Syria but showing children dismembered by traditional bombs can’t be shown on tv because they’re too upsetting, but gas attacks presents the opportunity for news media to show civilian deaths in a less offensive way. In other news, the twitter hashtag #stuffITrustMoreThanTrump was trending yesterday and had some real gems. As odd as it seems, no one said Souvlaki Hut, but you know you can trust them to make you a great meal.

Day 81:

Trump met with the Chinese MP this weekend and I’m sure he kept his promise to “On day one I’m going to label China a currency manipulator.” I did notice that we aren’t at war with China so that’s better than I expected. We could be at war with North Korea soon as Trump and Un have a game of who can act the craziest. Trump’s plan of America first and global isolation isn’t really turning out like he promised but at least Mexico is paying for a wall and a souvlaki!

Day 82:

If Trump keeps up his busy Florida vacation schedule, he will surpass Obama’s eight years of travel in one year. That’s just a drop in the old bucket when Trump is in charge. We have big walls to build, taxes to cut, and wars to start. Who can remember the Russians influencing our election when we’re bombing them? The unfolding, behind the scenes conflict between Bannon and Kushner sounds like an old episode of Falcon’s Crest. Looking forward to Bannon’s tell all book titled, “Life as Jabba the Hut.” Speaking of huts, how about that Souvlaki Hut…I could use a good souvlaki.

Day 83:

Where to begin? Spicy Spicer touches the Third Reich rail during his press conference. Trump is moving an “armada” toward Korea. I hope the armada has trimmed their sails and doesn’t end up like the Spanish one. Carter “I don’t know who that guys is” Page has been named as the Trump adviser who was being watched by the NSA/FBI. Tump is talking tough with Syria, Russia, and North Korea all at the same time because we have a “bigly” army with the best weapons. Rex Tillerson is in Russia trying to avoid or start WWIII, or maybe he’s there to make an oil deal for the apocalypse that will follow. I’m going to start loading up my underground bunker with souvlaki!

Day 84:

Trump campaign manager and Hollywood mafia contract killer lookalike, Paul Manafort appears to be the leading contender for the “First Trump Advisor to End up in Prison” award. Trump connected businesses loaned Manafort $13 million after Manafort left his post as Head-Liar. Betsy DeVos removed protections from people with student loans because…because…because who needs student loans to pay for college. Doesn’t everyone just get money from their inheritance? I’m betting DeVos spends more on her haircuts in a year than most families sending their kids to college earn. Oh yeah, we are probably starting WWIII with North Korea, or Syria, or__________________, good thing Mr. Trump has realized that NATO is a good thing, that China can’t just stop a crazy man in North Korea and that Healthcare is complicated…what this guy doesn’t know could fill a pretty big sandwich. The good news is that souvlaki has lots of room to stuff all the problems of the world between a single flat bread. Yum!

Day 85:

Little fingers Donnie told “his army” to drop the world’s largest bomb on Afghanistan yesterday. The Mother of All Bombs costs as much as a year of PBS funding, but spending money on blowing stuff up makes so much more sense. Anyone else think Trump’s obsession with big things has a connection to his personal life? I do. It probably won’t matter because North Korea might have the only leader obsessed with big things more than Trump. Get two guys with “private” issues in a conflict and pretty soon the globe is a smoking ash tray. Maybe Un and Trump should get some of those pills Jimmy Johnson hawks on late night TV. 

15 short days to get to the first 100, when we can look back on how Trump made America Great Again. You know what would make America Great Again in my book? More Souvlaki Huts!

Categories: A Year Of tRUMP

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