A Shorter Week: 72- 78 Days

Day 72:

Trump calls the press to watch him sign some executive orders (remember when those were bad?). Someone in the press asked Trump about Flynn. Trump ran out of the room without signing the orders like he was having an IBS flare up. Maybe he had a round of golf to play and his tee-time at Maralago was close. Should be a fun weekend, I’m predicting a series of Sunday tweets.

Day 73:

Ex-FBI agent Clint Watts testimony about how Russia influenced our election through fake news is really interesting. He was on Meet the Press this morning saying, “You can’t be anti-EU and anti-NATO because that’s what Russia wants.” Hmmm, who do I recall being like that? Oh yeah, Donnie tiny fingers. Trump is also fighting with the Freedom Caucus because they would vote for Trumpcare. One of the tea party republicans said that Trump wasn’t draining the swamp but was the creature from the black lagoon. (I wish I’d come up with that.) you know what else I wish? I wish I had a Souvlaki.

Day 74:

Nothing crazy happened yesterday…as far as I know. Maybe Trump lost his phone. Oh, people are still lying and stealing, but we have come to expect that. You know what else everyone has come to expect? A Facebook post on souvlaki!

Day 75:

Well, well, well…look who fell in the well. The guy from Blackwater, also known as Betsy Devos’ brother, also known as the guy who should be in jail for the rest of his life, also known as the guy who set up back-channel communications between Putin and Trump. Anyone else feel like we are about to get a whole bunch of people asking for immunity soon? Maybe they can meet with brain surgeon/rocket fuel scientist/Jason Bourne wanna be, Devin Nunes and do a lil’ investigatin’ on their own. You know what goes best with secret communications? Souvlaki!

Day 76:

Nikki Haley and Rex Tillerson say, “We don’t care about regime change in Syria,” the next day there is a gas attack which according to Spicer is Obama’s fault. Then North Korea fires off a rocket and Trump says it’s China’s fault…It’s times like these we need someone who actually knows something. Too bad the Cheeto in charge knows how to sell his name and nothing else. Time for us to drown our sorrows in souvlaki!

Day 77:

Bannon got kicked out of the world’s richest treehouse yesterday. He was probably eating everyone’s snacks and insisting on calling China names that I won’t type here because the NSA will probably unmask me. The healthcare bill that everyone thought was dead (let’s name it Jason) is apparently up and moving around again. This time anyone with a preexisting condition won’t be able to get insurance. Narcissism and bad haircuts were not on the list of preexisting conditions, so Trump is still in the game. (Fake tans won’t be covered though.) The only hope is to eat healthy and not get sick, so let’s all hit the Souvlaki Hut!

Day 78:

Devin Nunes recused himself from being the world’s biggest hypocrite and now is just a regular, dumb congressman. Trump shot off 60 Tomahawks at a Syrian airbases. Stepping into this mess is probably a mistake but it’s time to build a consensus with other nations about an end game in Syria. For me, if I’m consulted, I’ll let you know, step one is opening our doors to Syrian refugees. (Yes, I will take in two families myself.) Diplomatically we need someone other than Jared Kushner getting involved. Getting China, Russia, Syria, Iran, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, and ISIS to the table is going to take someone with a little more gravitas than a New Jersey real estate broker. As we get closer to the end of the world it’s time to stock up on souvlaki!

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