A Short Week: 37-43 Days

Day 37:

Spicer banned “fake” news from a closed-door meeting (the same fakers that reported Trump is trying to kill FBI investigations into Russia’s connections to Trump’s campaign), the dumbest wall ever to be planned is moving forward, Bannon announced his goal is to destroy government, and Trump keeps telling lies from the podium. In local news, I opened a Great Gatsby quiz I made two years ago and saw one of my possible answers was President Donald Trump…it’s all my fault. What goes best with burning self-realization? Souvlaki

Day 38:

Trump announced he won’t be attending the White House correspondents dinner (Nixon was the last President to do this), Fox News doubled down on Sweden by having a fake “Swede Security Advisor” talk about problems Sweden is having with immigrants (reports say the security expert lives in Japan…no one in the Swedish government knows this guy), and my favorite bit of news was that Marco Rubio said he couldn’t do a town hall because he was in Europe…he was found in a Florida hotel hiding out. Maybe the hotel is called Europe, but the video of him running away is worth viewing. What goes best with a Rubio running from his constituents? Souvlaki

Day 39:

For the first time since he’s been president, Trump was not the biggest national embarrassment. That award goes to the Best Picture Oscar fiasco. Of course, the Trump administration still acted like little baby snowflakes by avoiding all the news shows this weekend. Since Trump is skipping the White House Correspondent’s Dinner, I’m thinking it is the perfect time to invite Rosie O’Donnell to host the dinner. Wouldn’t that be fun? They could serve some souvlaki too!

Day 40:

Trump will do his first Joint speech tonight, that should be interesting. My predictions: One national embarrassment, two references to his electoral college win, three fake news comments, four brags about the size of the crowd, five mostly false statements, six statements about the power of the president, seven uses of bad dudes/bad hombres, eight pants on fire lies, and nine uses of bigly. I’ll be chowing down on ten souvlakis so I’ll probably miss the show. Enjoy your 20-billion-dollar wall and 54 billion dollar increase in military spending…I’m sure you’ll all be getting those big tax breaks.

Day 41:

Yesterday Betsy DeVos said the historically black schools were the first schools of choice and President Trump said NATO helped win WWII…do you need more evidence that there is an education crisis in private schools across the US? #FailingPrivateSchools I’m looking forward to next year’s address when Trump talks about how Captain America helped destroy the Berlin Wall. Trump also said he wanted clean water and clean air, and coal, and deregulation, and no more bad hombres, and a bigly wall, and $54 billion more for bombs, and tax cuts, and “access” to healthcare for everyone, and his cake so he can eat it too. What goes great with polluted cake? Souvlaki!

Day 42:

Soooo, the Attorney General– part-time garden gnome–man who uses a pillowcase for his KKK outfit, Jeffro Bowdeen Sessions, said under oath that he didn’t talk with any Russian officials. Turns out the Russian Ambassador met with Sessions twice. As Al Franken said, “The Russian Ambassador is Russian.” Well, if you really want to put America first maybe it’s time to put America first. There’s a lot of Russian smoke…what goes with Russian smoke? Souvlaki.

Day 43:

I’m going to start out by defending Mike Pence who has gotten himself mixed up in a bit of technology issue. Turns out he was using an unsecured AOL email address and was hacked when he was governor of Indiana. I guess I didn’t realize how far behind the times Indiana was, they still use AOL? Maybe that Hoosier’s movie wasn’t a slice of history, but a current events movie. I hope his MySpace account remains secure. In other news, Jeffro Bowdeen Sessions, a man who once said about some Klan members, “I thought they were good guys until I heard they smoked dope,” recused himself from any further Russian investigations. Feels good knowing that Trump hired the “best” people, the “smartest” people. You know where else they’ve hired the best and smartest people? The Souvlaki Hut!

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