Day 373

Tonight, Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Trumplestillskin will be giving his State of the Umion address. (The invites had Union misspelled. Is there anyone in the White House with a functioning brain?) There will be no new policy…because Make America Great Again is its own policy…but there will be an infrastructure plan rolled out. Here’s the plan: 

1. Do you know and like Trumplestillskin?

If you do move to question number two. If not, go home and get ready for your door to get kicked in by ICE. 

2. Have you built things for Trumplestillskin before? 

If yes, then you are hired. If no, go home and get ready for ICE to kick in your door. 

3. Everything that is built will have Trump’s name on it. Highway Trump, The Trump Train station, Trump airport, Trump pothole project, Trump water treatment plant, Trump Sewage System. 

The great negotiator probably won’t mention that he allowed Russian sanctions to lapse. Yep, the House and Senate both voted overwhelmingly to continue sanctions. (Only five legislators voted against it, there hasn’t been that much bipartisanship since we voted to make Vanilla ice cream the official ice cream of Vermont.) I’m sure the relaxing of sanctions has nothing to do with compromising information Russia has on the Orangutan and Chief. 

While we are waiting for his speech, Trumpenstein will be spending his morning wandering the White House shirtless, wearing only his size 48 tighty-whities looking for Devin “Brain on Tulare Water” Nunes’ Memo. He needs to review the memo and decide whether to declassify it. If he doesn’t declassify it in five days it will be come declassified. So… who thinks he will read the memo. The dude barely reads his speeches. Watch him tonight. There will be several times when the words he is reading will surprise him. He’ll do that head shake and purse his lips like, “Hey, I like that idea.” 

The memo is just the next step in making sure when Trumplestillskin fires Mueller that Faux Newz will have enough white noise to cover it all up. If you don’t think that’s where we are heading, then check out the resignation of Andrew McCabe…up next Rod Rosenstein (Trumplestillskin appointee) and then Mueller. Yep, banana republic here we come. You know what goes with bananas? Souvlaki! 

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