President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Hair Lord Dampnut Dumpster Fire and Furher Von Trumplestillskin Von Trumpenstein Von Jenius went to the National Championship game to watch Alabama play Georgia. He kicked off the party by walking out on the field for the national anthem. Then while the national anthem was playing he mouthed words to a song that wasn’t the national anthem. (I’m sure the internet has already put out a video of the song he was really singing.) Who knew the words to the national anthem were so big and so hard? Who knew? So… this sacred song that nobody should be protesting by kneeling, is a song you don’t know the words to? Is there anything this guy knows? Anything? Oh, and one of the Alabama players shouted, “F— Trump.” That’s not nice. 

The good news is that Trumplestillskin will be able to gather himself this morning with his “executive time.” Which is the time when he should be at work but is upstairs watching Faux and Friendz and then tweeting about what he sees. This man has more information at his fingertips than any other human… and he watches Faux and Friendz. Why not watch Sesame Street? At least Sesame Street would teach him to be nice to other people. 

Showing that it isn’t just the Trumpenstein men who are morons, Ivanka tweeted out that Oprah’s Golden Globe speech was super-fantastic. Remember this speech was about women standing up to sexual harassment and ending the cycle of powerful men getting away with it. Her brother Don-Fredo has said that if women can’t handle a little sexual harassment, they should get a different job. Her father has 19 women accusing him of sexual assault. He is on tape saying he grabs women because he can. Maybe it is time to close all the Trump Twitter accounts. 

Mueller… where are you? I better not find you hiding out at the Souvlaki Hut doing some executive time eating.