Day 351

Sloppy Steve Bannon has said he is sorry for speaking the truth and will continue to pretend that President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Hair Lord Dampnut Dumpster Fire and Furher Von Trumplestillskin Von Trumpenstein is sane and has the very, very, very best brain ever. That hasn’t stopped the onslaught of criticism from his former supporters, but Jabba The Bannon will probably survive and be reborn as a new Faux Newz contributor. 

Stephen “Skynet Bot” Miller was on with Jake Tapper this morning and the interview was more like a slap fight with both sides saying, “You cut it out… No, you cut it out.” The screeching sounds coming from Miller were eventually cut off by Tapper when he had had enough and said, “Talk to the hand” and went to commercial. No doubt, Miller got what he wanted. Papa Trumpie saw him lie for him and therefore it won’t be long until this human error code will be moving up in the White House staff. I believe the interview went just like every date he has been on:

1. It ended early.

2. He wouldn’t shut up, even after it was evident that no one was listening.

3. Anyone watching went, “Oh, that went badly.”

4. He went back to his empty apartment and spent the night hitting himself in the head and saying, “I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid.”

5. He was escorted away by security.

6. He blamed his performance on women, people of color, and liberals. 

7. His Skynet overlords added some new code and rebooted him. 

Well, in another two weeks we will have survived a year of Trumplestillskin… thank God there was souvlaki keeping me alive.

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