Day 348

I don’t know how much longer this is going to continue. Yesterday was an epic disaster. President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Hair Lord Dampnut Dumpster Fire and Furher Von Trumplestillskin Von Trumpenstein allowed Michael Wolff access to the inner workings (I use the word workings loosely here) of the White House for about a year. Wolff now has a book coming out and man oh man is it going to sell like beer at a Baptist picnic. (I don’t know what that means, I just like the way it sounds.) By the day’s end, El Presidente Loco put out a statement saying that Steve “My Face Fought the Road and The Road Won” Bannon is no longer his BFF. What did Bannon and the book say? 

1. The meeting at Trump Tower was treason. 

2. THE KUSH is an idiot.

3. Ivanka makes fun of her dad’s hair. (He has had scalp surgery. His hair color is what it is because he can’t sit still long enough for the hair coloring to work properly. There is a lot of hairspray holding it all together.)

4. Don-Fredo is going to cracked open like an egg in front of a national audience. 

5. It’s all about money laundering. 

6. He really can’t do what The Mooch says he spends all his time doing. 

7. Ivanka wants to run for president. (Bannon says she is as dumb as a brick.)

8. Trump thought there was no way he was going to win. 

9. Everyone in the White House hates Trump, he hates them, and it is a little like Lord of the Flies, but with dumber characters. 

10. By the time Mueller finishes his investigation there may not be anyone working at the White House. It’ll just be a big pile of bodies. 

In real news, Trump has disbanded the voter fraud commission that was going to find those 3 million illegal voters. What did they find? Nothing. I’m tired of all this winning. Sad. 

What I’m never tired of is souvlaki.

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