Day 347

So far, in 347 days President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Hair Lord Dampnut Dumpster Fire and Furher Von Trumplestillskin Von Trumpenstein has had three days where he hasn’t done something so nuts that it would have gotten any previous president placed on house arrest. Yesterday might have been one of his worst. He started off by taking credit for airline safety in 2017…”the best and safest year on record!” Yep, this is how megalomaniacal dictators talk. So, were the deaths on the train crash recently Trumplestillskin’s fault? What about the hurricane deaths? How about all the innocent people killed by bombs this year? Or, what about the record number of deaths in coal mines this year…is that something he caused? I suppose he is the type of deity that only does good. 

Then Trumpenstein tweeted at “Short Fat Latte” Kim Jong-un that he also had a button, a big button, that works. Maybe you’re one of the 30% of America who think this is hilarious. (Probably not, because you would have unfriended me about 300 days ago.) Why is this idiot allowed to have a twitter account? That cowboy hat wearing moron in Milwaukee just had his account suspended for tweeting that he was going to punch the liberal media in the nose (Where is that?) so it could taste its own blood, but the little handed orange man can threaten thermonuclear war and it’s like, “Well, you know. He has lots of twitter followers.” Close down his account! Turn it off. How would you like to be the cause of WWIII in future history books. (Assuming someone survives.) “In 2017, The United States of America elected an orange clown to the highest office in the land. The orange clown had a twitter account, a social media platform that only allowed 280 characters per ‘tweet.’ The orange clown started a war by tweeting ‘I have a really big button, I cannot lie. You other brothers can’t deny that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist…’ The leader of North Korea thought the orange clown was tweeting about his momma, so he hit the little button just to prove it worked. The resulting war ended the lives of six billion people.” If you have a Twitter account, you can hash brown “complicit” @jack who is the twitter guy. Maybe he will shut down the account. Probably not, who wants to upset a dictator? 

The Orangutan in chief is going to give out the dishonest news awards. (Yes, he said he is going to do this. I know, he also said Mexico is going to pay for a wall.) Gee, I wonder if Faux Newz will get any awards. I’m betting they don’t qualify as a news source. 

I’m going to hand out the not really a souvlaki award this year also. Runner up goes to chicken burrito. And the winner for the fifth year in a row, beef gyros.

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