Kim “The Rocket Man” Jong Un has said the nuclear launch button is on his desk. I’m curious about this button. Does it have a plastic lid? Or is it just sitting on his desk and if he was playing Jenga, the Jenga pieces could topple over and hit the button? I’d hate for him to start a nuclear war accidentally. Does the button just launch the rockets, or is there a signal that is put in the sky that tells the generals to launch? The button on President Trumplestillskin’s desk was replaced by a Staples button by White House Chief of Staff “Machine Gun” Kelly a few months back. Now, when Trumpenstein wants to start a war the red button just makes a squeaking sound. He thinks he has nuked five nations so far. Faux Newz even did a fake news report that can be played over the White House televisions each time he does it. Whatever it takes to keep an old, tottering fool from really starting a war is what I say. 

German right-wing nut job, Beatrix Von Storch, is upset that the police in Germany tweeted something in Arabic. (This has nothing to do with Trumplestillskin, but I couldn’t resist typing out her name this morning… Beatrix Von Storch… nice.) Beatrix needs to understand that NOBODY speaks German any longer. No one studies it, no one outside of Germany and Austria speaks the language. I know about five German words and it is hard to say them without sounding like I am angry. When I’m in Germany this summer, I’m going to try to order a Berliner Doner and souvlaki without using any English words. #NewYearsResolution