Day 340

In what can only be described as the strangest news I have read in a loooonnnnggg time, Israel is considering naming a train station near the Western Wall after Trump. They might want to wait until after the Mueller investigation is done, because it would be unfortunate to have to call it: Station Prisoner 00345682. Or they could call it Station Agent Orange Julius Caesar Lord Dampnut Dumpster Fire and Furher Von Trumplestillskin Von Trumpenstein. 

Florida crazy person, and elected representative, Francis “Don’t Call Me Francis” Rooney has called for the FBI to be purged of people who don’t support Trump. I will direct you all the The Night of the Long Knives… June 30-July 2nd, 1934… Germany. I don’t like to make Hitler comparisons (I don’t know that I have done a single one in 340 days, but today I’m making an exception) but this is a serious attack on the people keeping the Executive Branch from going full-dictator. No, I don’t think I’m overreacting either. Francis Rooney is an idiot and needs to be replaced by someone with a brain. (I know, it is Florida. Maybe someone on life-support is the best I can hope for.)

In good news, Russia has offered to help the US and North Korea resolve our differences peacefully. I hope that when Vlad takes over the US I can be one of his billionaire friends. 

Mike “My Daughter Lies Better Than Me…And That is Saying Something” Huckabee has compared Trumplestillskin to Churchill. Okay, let me compare them: 

1. Both have two arms and legs

1.5. They both have/had weight problems

2. Okay, that’s about it. 

Trumpenstein, Churchill contrasts:

1. Churchill didn’t spend all his time golfing

2. Churchill spoke without a teleprompter

3. Churchill knew how the government works

4. Churchill inspired ALL of the members of his nation

5. Churchill actually knew all the words, the big words

6. Churchill didn’t have hair plugs

7. Churchill never went to Russia to watch prostitutes urinate on a bed. (Not that I am aware of, but Stalin was a pretty twisted guy.)

8. Churchill never gave his nation to corporations so he could personally benefit

9. Churchill was recently played by Gary Oldman in a movie… Trump will have to be played by an angry bag of pus, or Rush Limbaugh (same thing). 

10. Churchill was never accused by 19 women of sexual assault… and his evangelical followers didn’t say, “That’s okay. He’s doing God’s work when he grabs women by the… by the… well, I can’t look my wife and daughter in the eye and say that word. I can support Trump though because he is going to give tax breaks to the one percent.” 

Speaking of grabbing women, Corey “Angry Frat Boy” Lewandowski is being charged with assault for grabbing Joy Villa’s behind. I didn’t know this Joy Villa lady until yesterday when her name started trending on Twitter. Apparently, she is a Trump supporter who wore a MAGA dress to Trump’s coronation. Now the MAGA army is saying that she was a plant and is there to bring down Trump. Okay birthers, as poet Ray Davies said, “Paranoia will destroy ya.” 

I’m going to destroy a souvlaki today.

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