Day 331

President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Dumpster Fire and Fuhrer Von Trumplestillskin Lord Dampnut Von Trumpenstein says he will be getting a note from Santa Mueller excusing El Presidente Loco from detention. There are several things wrong with this scenario. One, that’s not how it works. Two, I’m pretty sure somebody told the Orangutan in Chief this to keep him from going on a firing spree. Three, maybe he mistook Ferris Bueller’s name for Mueller. (Free Ferris!) 

I watched Steve “Grandma Glasses” Mnuchin explain the tax bill on the news. I came away with a strong sense that this robot doesn’t really understand anything and has spent his career lying to people who believe him. 

Trumpenstein is predicting big victories in the 2018 elections. Okay, did your BFF Vlad “The Election Impaler” Putin tell you this, because Americans aren’t going to be voting for the party of tax breaks for the richest people and cuts in programs that are there for everyone else. By the time the 2018 elections are happening, Faux Newz will be falling apart (it’s already happening as Rupert sells off his assets), Trumplestillskin will be impeached, and Jared will be sitting in a jail cell wondering how Middle East peace is going. 

I’m predicting that 2018 will bring a Souvlaki Hut to every corner of America.

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