Day 321

In the growing list of men who can’t keep their hands to themselves add Republican Rep. Blake “Even Waistlines are Bigger in Texas” Farenthold, Arizona’s ex-Rep. Trent “Dick Tracy Bad Guy Face” Franks, and ex-Senator Al “Sloppy Tongue” Franken. Franken called for President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Dumpster Fire and Fuhrer Von Trumplestillskin Lord Dampnut Von Trumpenstein to step down since there is more evidence that El Loco Presidente has a history of sexual harassment than Franken. All these clowns need to be taken out and made to do the Game of Thrones walk of shame from the White House to the Washington Monument. 

Paul “I Made Them An Offer They Refused” Manafort says that his ghost written editorial wasn’t a violation of his bail agreement. I like that he still thinks he can do what he wants. Isn’t that cute? “Don’t you know who I am? I’m the guy who got the President elected? I can do what I want! Wait, you can’t put me in cuffs. Wait, you can’t put me in a cell. Wait, I’ll tell you everything.” 

The beautiful new tax bill is turning into something. Right now, it looks like dark money donated to campaigns can be written off. Yep, if there wasn’t enough corruption built into the system, now you can donate money without declaring it publicly and still write it off on your taxes. This is good for me because I donated $5,000,0000 in dark money to the elect the Souvlaki Hut campaign last year. I’ll see you in court Mr. IRS. (Lawyer fees are tax deductible, aren’t they?)

A group of law professors has released a 34-page document with instructions about how to pay lower taxes using the new tax bill. Remember how the goal for the Orangutan in Chief was to simplify the tax system and tax wealthy people more. (Yeah, that was what he ran on… and people were stupid enough to believe him. Idiots!) Now, people can incorporate themselves, split their income into pass through partnerships and LLCs and pay the new lower corporate tax rate. (I have no idea what any of that means, but I read it three times before typing it out.) So, I’d like to introduce you to my new corporations: The Jon Eekhoff Human Project LLC DDS MRE PDQ, The Tall Man Fund LLC ABC, The Jon Eekhoff Souvlaki Hut Fund For Vacations in Europe LLC LMNOP, and the Bank of Jon Eekhoff LLC. I’ll see you suckers later. I’ve got a yacht to buy.

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