Remember when President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Dumpster Fire and Fuhrer Von Trumplestillskin Von Trumpenstein said that he was going to take care of North Korea? Yeah, that was last February. Since then, he has continued to talk tough, to make threats, and to say that he has it all taken care of… Yesterday, North Korea fired off a rocket that can reach pretty much all of the US. What did our third-grade president do? The same thing he has always done, pull something out of his nether regions that means nothing. If you want to find a nothing burger, look between Trumplestillskin’s ears. I hope all of you voters who thought a tough talking businessman would work better than someone who actually knew diplomacy are happy. 

The tax bill is getting shoved right where the sun doesn’t shine, but who cares, at this rate we will all be covered in radioactive dirt in about two weeks. 

Behind the scenes, El Presidente Loco is claiming that the Access Hollywood tape is faked, that Obama was born in Kenya, and that his hands are normal sized. This can’t go on much longer can it? Santa Mueller I don’t care if you don’t have all the evidence collected. Start charging people now! Before our third-grade leader decides the only way out of jail is through a war. 

I’m storing souvlaki under my house just in case.