President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Dumpster Fire and Fuhrer Von Trumplestillskin Von Trumpenstein might need to watch his step when it comes to LaVar Ball. If you don’t know who LaVar Ball is then let me give you two simple sentences to describe LaVar: He is the only person in the world who thinks more highly of himself than Trumplestillskin. He’s the father of some pretty good basketball players and he is a professional troll. Donnie is taking credit for getting LaVar’s son released from a Chinese jail. Donnie is now saying he should have left him there because LaVar didn’t thank him. Careful Mr. Trumpenstein. This guy is one person who wants attention more than you. 

Because Trumplestillskin is such a focused leader, he is now calling for Marshawn Lynch to be fired because he stood for the Mexican National Anthem and sat for the US anthem. Doesn’t the president have more important things to do? Like supporting a child predator for Alabama Senate? 

The only thing that has fallen further than Trump’s approval rating are his room rates at Trump Hotels… down 63%. At this rate, his tax reform fixes aren’t going to benefit his kids because he’ll be leaving them nothing. Maybe some jail time will clear his art of the deal business mind. 

Steve “Grandma Glasses” Mnuchin took some pictures with his wife and sheets of money. His response this weekend was precious, “I didn’t know the pictures would go public. And being compared to Bond Villains is a compliment.” This is the brilliant mind behind our economy? 

Donnie is reconsidering allowing elephant trophies into the US. Why he needs to reconsider this at all is a mystery to me. Is he waiting for Don-Fredo to get his elephant trunk trophy back from the cleaners? What type of garbage kills an elephant in the first place? (Trump garbage is the answer.)

One thing you’ll never find in my garbage is a half-eaten souvlaki.