North Korea has had enough of President Agent Orange Julius Caesar. They have officially sentenced him to death for insulting Kim “Short Fat” Jong Un. Trumplestillskin is taking it in stride, he said, “I’ve had three wives try to kill me. I’m not afraid.”
Steve “My face fought the road and the road won” Bannon is having second thoughts about supporting Roy “Mall Rat” Moore. I guess supporting the Montgomery Molester has backfired. The biggest problem with a write-in candidate in Alabama is that no one can spell there. The GOP is looking for a candidate named “Roll Tide” because they are pretty sure most people can spell that.
Tiny racist gnome Jeffro Bowdeen Sessions was testifying in front of the House investigation yesterday. He claims he never lied, but did say some things that were not true. His answers were a mix of “I don’t recall” and “I’m going to use a nonexistent defense called I’m not answering that question because it might incriminate me.” Mueller has contacted the Barbie designers and they are making a Ken-sized orange outfit for Sessions.
Trumplestein tweeted out another condolence tweet for the most recent mass shooting, but he copied and pasted the one from San Antonio …and forgot to change the name of the new location. Yep, that’s how sorry he was about the shooting, he couldn’t even spend the time to create a new tweet. Maybe he should just pin a tweet to his profile that says, “Really, really sorry about your town getting shot up by an AR-15. Sad.”
Tomorrow is 300 days. 300 days of crazy. 300 days of souvlaki.