President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad ate dinner in the Forbidden City last night. It was a rare honor for an overseas leader and Trump said afterwards, “The only Chinese food I’ve had that was better was the taco bowl at Trump Tower.” 

Speaking of China, Rand “China Doll” Paul has upped his broken rib total to six now. First reports were four, then five, and now six. Is he breaking more ribs in the hospital? Do we need to bubble wrap him? If we do bubble wrap him, it’s a great opportunity to mail him to another country. I have some stamps. 

First Team Trumplestillskin lost most of the team, then they got their butts handed to them on Tuesday, and now they have lost the Country Music Award presenters, Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley. (Believe it or not, I was not watching, so this is all second hand.) The hosts were told not to do political jokes, so they sang a short song titled “Before He Tweets.” It’s pretty funny for a country song. Let’s hope the second verse has a bit about losing his job, losing his wife, and ending up in the drunk tank. 

Michigan (State Motto: Wisconsin is lowering the drinking age? Hold My Beer) has a bill to allow gun nuts to carry concealed weapons at schools and churches. That sounds like the logical solution. The logical way to put out a fire is to throw gas on it. The NRA’s new motto: Fighting Fire with Gasoline for over 100 years.

The only gas I want right now is the residue sloshing around in my gut after eating a hot souvlaki.