Day 290

President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Dumpster Fire and Fuhrer Von Trumplestillskin Von Trumpenstein III is in Japan being very careful not to bow. Yep, that’s his whole goal. No bowing! The USA doesn’t bow to anyone…except Russia, Vlad Putin, oil companies, billionaires, and the NRA. 

Trumplestillskin has announced that the latest mass shooting in Texas was because of mental illness. (27 people shot dead in a church, which a news agency called the “largest mass shooting at a church” as if there is a contest to have the largest in every location. Largest shooting at a McDonalds, largest shooting at school, largest shooting at a church, largest mall shooting, largest shooting at a daycare, largest shooting at Jimmy Johns, largest shooting at a movie theater, largest shooting at an Ivy League school, largest shooting at a Big 10 school, largest shooting in a Barnes and Noble. Yep, nothing wrong here…keep moving lemmings.) Anyway, blaming mental illness is an interesting course to take. Do other countries exist without mental illness? It’s about the access to guns…it’s not about mental illness. It’s about a bunch of paranoid morons needing assault rifles. If it were only about mental illness, then Trump would have shot someone by now…he threatened to do so. He’s the most mentally imbalanced person I can think of. Maybe his tiny hands can’t hold a big gun. 

For the record, Rand “Yep, My Dad Named Me After Psycho Author” Paul is using government healthcare to take care of his five broken ribs. Rand should spend the rest of his life in a china cabinet. Tackled and broke five ribs? Maybe hire somebody to mow your grass.

What is going on in Saudi Arabia? Rich guys are getting arrested. They are shooting down rockets. Sounds like we know where our next war will be. Which group of radical Islamists will we be supporting? Somebody put together a chart for me. 

Commerce Secretary Wilbur “The Missing Link” Ross is finding himself in the middle of the Russian scandal. He seems to be the guy with connections to all the missing parts of the collusion case. He is connected to the bank in Cyprus where Manafort laundered his money. He is connected to Putin’s son. He is connected to Trumplestillskin. He is probably connected to JFK and Ted Cruz’s dad. I think Ross and Sessions look a little too much like each other. Is it possible that they are the same person, but with different accents? Has anyone seen them in the same place at the same time? Oh, maybe they’ll both be in prison soon. Just because something looks the same doesn’t mean it is. For example, gyros look like souvlaki, but they aren’t.

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