It is all starting to make sense. Last week was a wacky one even by Donnie Von Trumplestillskin’s standards. There were votes on tax breaks for millionaires, there was information that Hillary was behind the pee pee dossier, there was the announcement of a new House investigation into Hillary’s emails and a uranium sale in 2010, there was the release of the JFK files, and then there were the 12 Twitter battles Trumpenstein got into with Jeff “Not a Snow” Flake – A Gold Star Widow- and Bob “Corky” Corker. There were so many distractions, it was hard to figure out what part of the circus we were watching…and then came Friday.
Friday was the day that CNN found out that “Santa” Mueller’s presents were going to arrive on Monday. The first indictments are here! The first indictments are here! This is better than getting your name in the phonebook. (Sometimes obscure, old allusions are the best.)
Who is named in the NOTHING BURGER indictments is anyone’s guess…let me guess: Paul “Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli” Manafort and General “Disregard For the Law” Flynn. Santa Mueller is probably going to press charges against these two clowns to get them to say, “Donnie made me do it.” Once they roll over, we will be rebuilding a national government from scratch.
(For the official Souvlaki Hut Record: The dossier started with payments from a conservative website, Hillary’s emails have been investigated more than Laura Palmer’s murder, the uranium sales thing has been debunked like Trump’s claim that his hair is natural, and Trumplestillskin’s Twitter attacks have all been shown to be lies.)
In the good news part of day 281: Melania has ended cyberbullying.
Agent Orange Julius Caesar has been meeting with potential federal judges privately in New York and Florida…this is super unethical and unprecedented. Why? Because the Judicial branch is supposed to monitor the other branches of government…not collude. These potential judges could be called to rule on Trump’s collusion with Russia. Yeah…really. Draining that swamp.
The Niger tragedy just had another shoe drop. The boots on the ground had requested an armed drone to accompany them, WA DC said, “No.”
Sarah “I Tell Lies for a Living” Huckabee-Sanders said that all the women who accused Sticky Fingers Trump of sexual harassment were lying. Yep, he’d never do anything like that. If he did, he’d probably brag about it to Billy Bush.
Finally, Trump is also shrinking some of Utah’s National Monuments so energy companies can drill there. Let’s hope Santa lets us unwrap our presents before any of this happens. All I want for Christmas is an orange man in an orange suit…and another souvlaki.