Day 279

President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Dumpster Fire and Fuhrer Von Trumpenstein Von Trumplestillskin is touting his Ivy League education to rebuff the grieving widow’s recollection of his phone call. “My brain is the best brain. When God made my brain, he stood back and said, ‘Perfect’ and he was right. My brain is perfect. Just like my body. My body and my brain are both perfect. They both went to an Ivy League school. When my brain was at the Ivy League school it didn’t even have to think very hard, because it is so good. Look at these hands. See these hands? People say they are small, but they aren’t. They couldn’t fit in OJ Simpson’s gloves because they are so big. If my hands look small, it is because your eyes are not as good as my eyes. My eyes are perfect too. I can see a mouse in a field of wheat from a hot air ballon three hundred feet in the air. When Arnold Schwarzenegger felt my bicep he said, ‘That is the perfect bicep.’ So, when you hear that lady lie about what I said, I hope you realize how perfect I am and how everything else is broken. Drain the swamp. Lock her up. Make America Great Again.” If Von Trumpenstein knew how to play the violin, he’d be fiddling away as the USA burns…

Wonder why 100% of the country isn’t upset? Spend ten minutes watching Faux Newz and it will become clear. They spent hours and hours covering the Weinstein sexual harassment case because he was a democratic donor. During that coverage, Sean “Graying DEVO hair” Hannity had Bill “I Just Paid A $32 Million Harassment Claim Out Of My Pocket” O’Reilly on the air. O’Reilly is saying that he is mad at God because O’Reilly didn’t do anything wrong, and he is the victim. This is the guy who over the course of 20 years yelled at people about personal responsibility about 32 million times. Yep, I regularly pay millions of dollars when I’m completely innocent. They have no shame, no memory, and no moral compass. 

If I’m spending $32 million, I’m spending it on souvlaki.

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