Day 270

John “Real War Heroes Don’t Get Captured” McCain gave a little speech yesterday where he said that we must avoid “spurious nationalism.” The white nationalist Trumplestillskin supporters were like, “Yeah, the only type of nationalism is the white kind, we haven’t even heard of the spurious race. Those guys need to go back to Spuriouria.” 

President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Salad Hair said that Obama didn’t contact families of fallen soldiers. This is a flat out lie. It’s odd how this clown continues to baldly go where no Presidential lies have gone before. Imagine the Faux Newz crazy machine if Obama had claimed that Bush never contacted Gold Star Families. The newz would have come to a complete stop. There would have been two months of outrage until Congressman Trey Gowdy called for a trial. (Have you seen Trey Gowdy’s latest haircut? It looks like he went to a Supercuts and paid for half a haircut.)

Calista “Not All Faces Were Made To Move” Gingrich is off to the Vatican to be an Ambassador. Let’s hope she takes that bobble-headed husband of hers and he gets lost in the Pope’s garden. 

The Republican Florida Governor is declaring a state of emergency because racist, Nazi, pig Richard “Punching Bag” Spencer is going to be speaking in the state. While I agree that Dick Spencer is a racist idiot, maybe hiring a tuba band to follow him around to play German Polka tunes would be a better way to deal with it. 

Trumplestillskin’s nomination for Drug Czar is now coming under fire for being the guy who weakened the DEA’s ability to enforce laws. If you haven’t been paying attention, this is how Trumpenstein nominates everyone. “Who is the worst person possible? That’s the guy I want.” Here are some of the nominations that were never announced. 

1. Health and Human Services: Fredrick Douglass

2. Amtrak: Benito Mussolini 

3. NASA: The Catholic Church circa 1350 AD. 

4. Nuclear Regulatory Commission: Don King 

5. Advisory Council on Historic Preservation: Don King 

6. Ocean Energy Management: Captain Ahab

7. Office of Civil Rights: Joesph McCarthy

8. Office of Minority Health: David Duke

9. National Security Agency: Vlad Putin

10. Homeland Security Department: Souvlaki Hut Gorilla 

Breaking news: The Drug Czar nominee has been withdrawn.

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