Day 262

President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Von Trumplestillskin and Senator Bob Corker are still twittering at each other. Trumplestillskin claims that Corker asked him for an endorsement and The Mini Peach Putin refused…this is, of course, a lie. For a guy who is such a straight shooter and truth teller, he sure lies a lot. 

Speaking of lies. Mike “I’m So Stiff My Wife Never Irons My Clothes” Pence has gotten caught up in the Trump reality show. Pence went to watch a Colts game. (Where he tweeted a picture of him at a Colts game from three years ago. Here I am at the Colts game…in 2014.) The whole reason he went to the game was to walk out after the National Anthem. How do we know this? The pool reporters were told to stay in the van because Pence would be right back after the National Anthem. So, there you go. The Vice President is now Trumplestillskin’s photo-op meme boy. 

In happier news, T-Rex Tillerson, James “Mad Dog” Mattis, and Steve “Grandma Glasses” Mnuchin have a junior high suicide pact. (This next part is partially fiction. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what is real and what I’m making up.) Apparently they all got drunk, found their way down to the White House basement, and swore to be best friends forever. Then they said, “If you get fired, I’ll quit.” They all cut their hands like in the movies and became blood brothers. Tillerson and Mattis probably need this kind of pact to keep our country from being destroyed, Mnuchin was just happy to have two friends. #lonelyboy #GrandmaGlasses #MyWifeHasTheCheckbook

As we all wait for the “storm” Trumplestillskin has promised is coming, let’s reflect on where we are…we have a three-year-old running our country (and when I say running, I mean he has a briefcase full of codes to destroy the world), we have a VP who took the time to fly to Indianapolis from Las Vegas on his way to Los Angeles so he could walk out on a protest about police brutality, and we have three cabinet secretaries who have promised to run to the nearest underground bunker if any of them are fired. Is this America’s finest moment? Maybe a close second? 

If there is one thing future generations will wonder it is why this happened and why there wasn’t a Souvlaki Hut on every corner.

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