Day 258

The Carrot Colored Gaddafi went to Puerto Rico yesterday. He had two weeks to prepare for this visit, but once he was allowed to wander around the set off script he managed to up the disaster ante. 

1. He went to a church where he shot rolls of paper towels like he was tossing t-shirts to an NBA crowd…or tossing bread to starving people.

2. He said that it was an “incredible trip” with a “lovely response,” like he was visiting a newly christened cruise ship. 

3. He said that the disaster wasn’t as real as Catrina because fewer people died. With that said, the Titanic wasn’t too bad either because, you know, WW1 and WW2. 

4. He showed as much humility, empathy, and understanding of what is like to experience tragedy as an Egyptian Pharaoh. 

5. He was a moron. No surprise here. 

The problem is that all of this stuff won’t make any difference to his base who love that he trolled the Puerto Ricans before visiting. They’ll think it’s funny until The Mini Peach Putin does something that directly hurts them. 

In other news, latest GOP hypocrite, Tim Murphy (Penn), has some explaining to do. This guy is the poster child for the anti-abortion message. His message is this, “Abortions are not for people…unless those people are my mistress.” I’m sure his wife will stand by her man, but if not, he can head to the Appalachian Trail to clear his head. Mark Sanford can give you directions, Mr. Murphy. 

If Mr. Murphy needs directions to a Souvlaki Hut give me a call.

Day 259: T-Rex Tillerson said it. He has not denied it. He was 100% right. He called The Carrot Colored Gaddafi a “moron.” We don’t know the context of the name calling, but we can be sure that when it happened everyone around Trumplestillskin said, “Yep.” 

The five surviving ex-presidents will all be at a benefit concert for hurricane relief: Carter, Bush 1, Clinton, Bush 2, and Obama. After Trump gets put in jail, will he be included in these events?

Trump will show up in his gold-plated wheelchair, a fresh tan sprayed over his portly body, wearing a red, white and blue Puma track suit. He’ll wear a Make America America Again hat and say racist things like a KKK doll with a pull string voice box. 

How will history judge this time in America? I think we’re going to get a 3 from the German judge, a 4 from the North Korean judge, a 2 from the Canadian judge, and a 10 from the Russian judge. The Greek judge is going to give souvlaki a 10 and Trump a 2.

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