Day 251

The zombie healthcare bill has officially died in the Senate for about the fifteenth time. After over fifty votes to repeal Obamacare while Obama was president, after running on repealing and replacing Obamacare, and after spending 251 days with majorities in the House and Senate the world’s greatest deal maker lost again. Winning and winning and winning…I’m so sick of winning. 

Faux Newz is reporting that President Trumpalot Von Micro-Digits (after 250 days I’ve decided to start a new name string for the donald, I’ll be working out the kinks this week) is getting prototype walls built in San Diego. Isn’t there a LegoLand nearby where they could do this work? The picture on Faux Newz (Yes, I braved that webpage for you) looks like a chain link fence with a bunch of orange plastic jersey barriers around it. Maybe this is the wall that will go around the wall that will be protected by jersey barriers that will be protected by a moat that will be protected by a sign that says, “Rapist, Drug Dealers, and Murderers Stay out!” A second sign will be put up on the Mexican side of the wall that says, “Your tax dollars at work.” 

Trumpalot supported Luther “Are Both My Names Superhero Villain Names” Strange in Alabama…Luther lost. The man with little hands then went and deleted all his tweets telling the people of Alabama to vote for Strange. The Orange Oligarch needs to realize most Trump supporters in Alabama just got dial up a couple months ago. If he wants to communicate with them, he needs to open and American Online account. 

The devastation in Puerto Rico is something that the president doesn’t seem too concerned about. Since he’s from NY, he must think that Puerto Rico is the country that the bad gang in West Side Story is from and therefore deserves to be ignored. “These Puerto Ricans are coming here. They’re rapists, they’re drug dealers, they’re murders…they’re fighting at our dances…they’re kneeling during that song about America…they’re stabbing good people in the Jets gang. I’m going to build a wall and Puerto Rico is going to pay for it.”

“Mr. Trump there is an ocean between Puerto Rico and the US.”

“Oh, in that case I’m going to put a moat in the ocean and Puerto Rico will pay for it…just like they paid $32 million when I screwed them over my golf club. Puerto Ricans should all go back to their country.” 

“They are part of the US.”

“Really? That’s good news. I’m going to be looking for a younger wife soon and that young Maria girl is a ten.”

Souvlaki, I just met a sandwich named souvlaki. And suddenly that name will never be the same to me…

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