Day 246

President Agent-Orange-Julius-Caesar Dumpster-Fire-and-Fuhrer The-Radish-Shaped-Ruler The-Mini-Peach-Putin Von Trumplestillskin and Imperial Leader of the DKK LMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Kim “Erica” Jong Un “Is the Loneliest Number” are sending angry emojis to each other. If we can get Connor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather to fight, why can’t we get these two “fearless” leaders in a Thunderdome? “Two men enter, one man leaves.” Let’s settle this by having them fight to the death. I don’t think it’s as risky as it may sound…I mean could Un be that much worse than Trump? If Trump won he could live in NK and live out all this autocratic impulses. It seems like a no brainer, but then again, I thought Godfather III would be great too. 

The republicans are back at trying to revoke healthcare in the US. Here are the ins and outs of their proposal: 

1. Women who Trumplestillskin rates as 10s get free healthcare. 

2. Doctor’s visits will be covered 100% as long as there isn’t a need to be examined. Show up, wait in an office, read a couple magazines, and then go home. 

3. Viagra is covered…anything else related to icky swimsuit areas are up to you…you dirty people. 

4. Congress gets free healthcare. 

5. Death panels. 

6. Insurance companies can charge as much as needed. There is literally an arm and a leg charge. 

7. Dr. Ben “Comfortably Numb” Carson’s voice will be recorded and played on a loop for people suffering from insomnia. 

8. Fake tans are covered. 

9. Hair replacement surgery is covered. 

10. Souvlaki is covered…in tzatziki sauce. 

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