Day 241

President Agent-Orange-Julius-Caesar Dumpster-Fire-and-Fuhrer The-Mini-Peach-Putin Von Trumplestillskin will be addressing the UN tomorrow. I hope he mentions the size of the crowd, his overwhelming victory, and it will be really interesting when he tries to get the crowd to chant “lock her up.” He should probably save his Mexican wall bit for a different crowd. 

Speaking of different crowds, there were duel/dual rallies yesterday in WA DC. A “I Support Trump” rally and an “Insane Clown Posse” rally. More people showed up for the Insane Clown Posse. The Juggalos (Insane Clown Posse fans) out numbered the Trumplestillskin crowd…PERIOD. It was the biggest Juggalo rally ever…PERIOD. It was bigger than the Bozo the Clown rally…PERIOD. 

Trump-roast’s stance on DACA is like his stance on being married. One day he’s in, and the next he’s out. It all might be a ploy to sell more MAGA hats because all his fans are burning them after they heard that he might let non-white people stay in the US. The non-white people had a message for the Orange Autocrat, “We were here first.” 

UN Ambassador Nikki “Six” Haley said that we have exhausted all options with North Korea. There are a few things we haven’t tried: 

1. Put up Walmart’s all along the border. 

2. Drop Rambo into North Korea. 

3. Set up huge speakers and play Gangman Style 24/7. 

4. Trade Donald Trump for a pack of gum and a promise to behave. 

5. Build a wall and have North Korea pay for it. 

6. Drop an IKEA into North Korea but make it one without an exit. Everyone in North Korea will be lost in the store and then we send in Chuck Norris. 

7. Have David Hasselhoff do a concert along the South Korean border. It worked in Germany. 

8. Drop VHS versions of Interstellar into North Korea. That’ll mess their heads up for 20 years. (North Korea may still be using LaserDisks, so we’ll want to check into that before starting up a VHS factory.)

9. Sign North Korea up for 1,000,000 wine of the month club subscriptions. 

10. Hold Dennis Rodman hostage. 

11. Make them watch a Souvlaki Hut commercial for 241 days in a row.

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