President Agent-Orange-Julius-Caesar Dumpster-Fire-and-Fuhrer The-Mini-Peach-Putin Von Trumplestillskin is refusing to release the guest sign-in at Mar-a-Lago. Why would anyone be interested in that? Well, I managed to obtain a secret copy and have transcribed the visitors below (the list is in rank order of number of appearances): 

Name Purpose

1. Vlad Putin: Checking in on my BFF (I still have the tape.)

2. Igor Radmonovich : Bribery for Trump Tower Moscow

3. Dennis Rodman: Applying for North Korean Ambassador

4. Barron Trump: I want my allowance!

5. Don-Fredo Trump: I want my allowance!

6. China: Dropping off MAGA hats

7. The Mooch: Looking for my house keys

8. Koch Bros: Bribery

9. Exxon Corp: Bribery

10. David Duke: New secret hand gesture

11. Ghost of Hitler: Just checking in on new “plan”

12. Joel Olsteen: Praying for more money

13. Ted Nugent: Wango Tango

14. Fox Newz: Picking up talking points

15. Hurricane Irma: Passing through

16. Richard Spencer: One good guy, visiting another good guy

17. Tiffany Trump: I want my allowance!

18. Eric Trump: I just want someone to love me

19. Sarah Palin: Putting lipstick on a pig

20. Land Shark: Pizza delivery

In other news, Sheriff David “Milwaukee Doesn’t Have Enough Cowboy Hats” Clarke has been told to rewrite his thesis or he will lose his degree. I doubt he’s too worried about it, he can get his next degree the same place he got all those medals he has on his uniform: Chuck E Cheese.

Facebook turned over its Russian ad information only after it had been ordered to by the courts. Mueller seems to be digging into how Russia fixed the election. After 240 days, he needs to hurry up. I want to get back to posting cat videos and eating something other than souvlaki.