President Agent-Orange-Julius-Caesar Dumpster-Fire-and-Fuhrer The-Mini-Peach-Putin Von Trumplestillskin’s administration finally got a win in the courts. They have stopped 24,000 sponsored immigrants from getting into the country. For those 24,000 people this is soul crushing news. It isn’t fair, it isn’t right, it is just plain cruel. Let me think, who was responsible for the last terrorist attack on US soil? Some Ohioan in a muscle car…let’s ban those clowns instead of people fleeing violence and death.
On a happier note, we found out yesterday the Ted “Wax Face” Cruz likes porn. His twitter feed liked a porn movie and the internet kinda lost its mind. Ted said that it was somebody else’s fault…isn’t this how Anthony Weiner started his trail of lies. “I was hacked” I believe it’s time to check Ted into one of those Mike Pence rewiring camps.
Bernie “I Do My Own Hair” Sanders is introducing single payer healthcare into the senate. It’s about time. Let’s get this done and move on to more important things like…Kid Rock running for Senate.
Kid “Not Really Rock Or Rap, But More Like A Bag of Garbage Noise–Trump 2.0” started his concert last night by ranting about welfare, healthcare, wealth redistribution, and cultural appropriation. (I made the last one up. It’s ironic.) The concert was held at the Little Caesar Arena. The arena is really two poorly constructed arenas right next to each other that aren’t really arenas but cardboard shells of arenas. They told the city, “You can get two really bad arenas, or one not quite as bad. It’ll cost the same.” (That’s a lot of work for a stupid joke about Little Caesar being terrible pizza.)
Speaking of terrible jokes, Milo “Pay More Attention To Me Than Ann Coulter” Yiannapoulous tweeted out that “My house is gone” during Irma. He now says it was a joke. Yep, that’s funny when people have their houses destroyed. This is the guy who Steve Bannon loves. If a house fell on Milo and he lost his ruby slippers I’d say karma is real. Until then…
North Korea has said they are going to speed up their nuclear tests to fight the “evil sanctions” the UN voted to approve the other day. I’m heading back into my bunker. I’ve got a fresh load of souvlaki that will last me a week.