Hurricane Irma is still moving toward Rush “I Like Blue Pills and I Cannot Lie” Limbaugh’s house. Irma is upset that there is a bigger bag of hot air in North America. That’s why Ann “Oats for Breakfast Lunch and Dinner” Coulter and President Agent-Orange-Julius-Caesar Dumpster-Fire-and-Fuhrer The-Mini-Peach-Putin Von Trumplestillskin’s houses are both in Irma’s path. All the climate change deniers are now wondering why God would want to destroy them…God hates Trump voters.
Poor Eric Bolling, he is now an ex-member of Faux Newz. It’s a little like being an ex-member of Menudo. In Menudo, you got kicked out after you turned 13. At Faux Newz, You get kicked out after sexually harassing someone, or being sexually harassed. If you forgot about Eric let me remind you that he’s the one who liked to take pictures of his bits and pieces and send them to the blonde lady(s) working at Faux. Now he can pursue his photography as an occupation. I heard the Vienna Sausage company has asked him for a resume.
Chief Inspector Mueller has put together a list of White House advisors to question. Josh Raffel, James Turnham, and Don McGahn are about to get their 15 minutes of fame. I hope they start testing antiperspirants. Hope “Isn’t Just a Place, It’s the Only Thing We Have Left” Hicks, Reince “And Dry” Priebus, and Sean “Spicy, Spicy” Spicer are also getting called in to testify. Spicer might do some jail time for stealing that mini fridge. It feels to me like things are closing in on our fear-filled leader.
Steve “Boiled Liver Face” Bannon got interviewed by 60 minutes this week. You can watch the interview Sunday; I’m providing some outtakes.
60 Minutes, “Steve, why do you look like you just rolled out of a bag of garbage?”
“I sleep in my clothes. In a bed covered in my own vomit.”
” I mean you have money; you could get a maid.”
“Every maid in America is illegal.”
“I doubt that is accurate.”
“Are you questioning me? I’m Steve Bannon. I can contort my body in unbelievable ways.”
“Can you really? You don’t look like you can get out of bed without help.”
“I’ve got my gloves off now.”
“Mr. Bannon, please put your pants back on.”
“I got my weapon in my hands.”
“Turn the cameras off. Stop that Mr. Bannon. Oh, my Gawd! The Mooch was right!”
Have a light meal before the 60 Minutes interview, you don’t want to throw up an entire meal. Save the souvlaki for after the interview.
Categories: A Year Of tRUMP