Day 229

Well, it was a quiet weekend for President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Trumpster-Fire and Fuhrer-The Mango Madman-Von Trumplestillskin. He is probably hiding in an underground bunker waiting for the world to end. I’m of the opinion that if the world is going to end, I’m better off being vaporized right off the top. Who wants to be left with all those doomsday preppers…and Trumplestillskin?

Vlad “The Election Impaler” Putin said that Trump was not his bride. I don’t really know the context of the statement, but you must admit, it’s pretty funny in a trolling kind of way. 

“What do you think of Trump?”

“He’s not my bride. I don’t have to explain his actions.” 

“That’s kind of weird. Would you explain it further?”

“Nope. I didn’t marry that clown. The people of the USA did. If they don’t like him they can try to return him to Walmart. I hope they have a receipt. If not they’ll only get store credit…probably $9.99.”

UN Ambassador, Nikki Haley’s “Comet Will Never Be Seen Again At This Rate” said that North Korea was begging for war. Who wrote that statement? Begging for it? She also said that “enough is enough.” Did the Trump-roast administration hire a writer from an after school special on bullying? (If you are too young to remember after school specials, well, too bad for you.) When will we get to the episode where we find out that North Korea was just acting out because they had an abusive father? 

Speaking of abusive fathers…where is THE KUSH? Last I heard, about two weeks ago, he was in the Middle East getting that peace done. Did he get kidnapped? Is he hiding in an Opium den in Morocco? Is he playing chess with Julian Assange? 

There is a race in WA DC. The race to convict Trumplestillskin first. The convergence of the investigations is happening. Everyone wants to be first to get his associates on the record. Nothing like waiting for the world to end while enjoying some good old fashioned televised trial action. I’m predicting that when Trumplestillskin gets put on the record we will hear a lot of the following statements: 

1. I cannot recall. 

2. I don’t remember that. 

3. I didn’t know about that. 

4. I don’t know who was building a Trump Tower in Russia.

5. I don’t know how Vlad’s phone number and those text messages got on my phone. 

6. No one loves ___________ like I love ______________. 

7. I was getting a spray tan that day. 

8. I never said that…you have a recording of me saying that? Oh, in that case, I was suffering from heat stroke that day. 

9. I can’t read. No, I never learned to read. 

10. Can I get a souvlaki?

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