President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Trumpster-Fire and Fuhrer-The Mango Madman-Von Trumplestillskin has announced he will end DACA in six months. That should give me six months to pack my bags for Germany or Holland. I think that’s where my ancestors are from. Of course, I can’t speak German or Dutch, but I can find a pair of pants that fit me there. Me heading back to the homeland isn’t too much different than sending kids back to countries they have no connection to, but I’ll let you know how it goes as I settle in to eating strupwaffles and kraut.
General “Those Are My Eye Bags Not Grey Skin Hammocks” Mattis says that our response to North Korea will be massive and overwhelming. If there is one thing that scares NK it is tough talk. Yep, pretty much shut them down so far. Cutting off trade to China is our next move, so get out and get your cheap Trump hats, and ties, and Ivanka purses, and Ivanka shoes, and Ivanka dresses…well, anything from Ivanka is made in China. How will Trump send his million dollars to Hurricane Henry survivors if he cuts off trade to China? What a hero, he’s going to cut off his nose to spite North Korea…and then pretend to send a million dollars to Houston.
Adam Schiff (D CA) has said that Trump’s claims that he doesn’t have Russian business connections is “dishonest.” I believe Schiff is saying that Trump is lying. Euphemisms are handy when you are trying to delicately handle people’s feelings, but I’m pretty sure that Trump has two emotions: Self-Centered Anger and Self-Centered Ennui.
Vlad “The Election Impaler” Putin has said that the first country to develop artificial intelligence will lead the world. So, there you go, let Skynet begin. I’ll enjoy the part of AI that lets me stay home and watch Three’s Company 24/7 while being fed through a tube. I’ll ask Siri what will happen when AI takes over the world. According to her/him/it, Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates, and Elon Musk have all warned us against this. According to Wikipedia, there are many types of AI and there have been warnings going back to 1920. I think we’ll be okay as long as we leave a big outlet we can unplug if things get out of control.
Will machines, bombs, or apes be the end of us? Hard to tell. One thing is for certain, the more souvlaki you eat, the better you will feel about the end.
Categories: A Year Of tRUMP