Let’s start with the good news…it’ll be short. Jimmy Boy Scout Comey had a letter drafted exonerating Hillary for the email stuff before he was let go, given the sack, fired, told to hit the bricks, given the pink slip of life, shown the high road. 

Steve Mnuchin was asked how the whole putting Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill is going and he was like…”Um… I just got back from looking at the gold at Fort Knox. I haven’t had time to draw out the portrait. You know I’m super busy making sure my wife doesn’t end up in jail for using my office to promote designer clothing.” #IWearOldLadyGlasses#AllMyPicturesLookLikeImSwallowingMyTongue #MAGA

You know what the administration of President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Trumpster-Fire and Fuhrer-The Mango Madman-Von Trumplestillskin does have time to get done? Revoking DACA. Yeah, so no time to get an African American hero on the twenty, but plenty of time to take away rights of kids who have grown up in the USA. Gee, why does this smell? Maybe it is because all of Trumplestillskin’s goals are the same goals of a 70-year-old white guy living in a trailer park in Alabama…a 70-year-old guy named Colonel, or Major, or Robert E Lee, or Bubba. The kind of guy who flies a confederate flag over his single wide and has a bumper sticker on his 1971 Dodge pickup that says, “Don’t Tread on Me… like you did in 1865.” 

The Russian consulate in San Francisco is getting shuttered. This is good revenge. We should shut all Russian embassies in all interesting cities and open them in places like Corcoran, CA and Wichita, KS. 

A Houston petrochemical plant is still having uncontrolled explosions. That’s okay, the guys in charge say that we don’t need to worry. This is how every zombie movie starts. The plant is described as one of the most dangerous in Texas. That’s like saying that you’re one of the dumbest people in Mississippi. I’m sure there is nothing to worry about it isn’t like North Korea has an atomic bomb and our country is being run by a junior high ASB president. 

I’m going to eat a souvlaki for lunch. It might be my last chance.