As we all prepare of the solar eclipse, President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Tossed Salad Dumpster-Fire and Fury Von Trumplestillskin….

WHERE DID THE REST OF MY POST GO? THE ECLIPSE MUST HAVE STOLEN IT! (I really didn’t realize that 80% of my post disappeared. I had a power outage at home.) 

Here’s what it said: 

Trumplestillskin’s secret service is out of money because they have to guard all 5,000 Trump family members as they traipse around the world. 

No one from the White House would go on Sunday talk shows to defend what Trump said because they aren’t members of the aryan nation…well, Gorka and Miller might be. 

Trump-roast is in Arizona to give a speech on Afghanistan (someone showed it to him on a map.) “Is it this one?” 

“No, that’s the continent of Africa.” 

“Is it this one?”

“Getting warmer, that’s India. It’s this one here.” 

“Oh, I thought that was Arkansas.” 

The Orangutan in Chief will probably also give ex-sheriff Joe “Racism 101” Arpaio a pardon for targeting people of color. 

Then I ended the post by saying that Trumpster-fire was planning a golden statue of himself. I said it should be no larger than a small souvlaki.