Day 210

President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Dumpster-Fire and Fury Von Trumplestillskin has been asked by the Phoenix mayor to delay Trumplestillskin’s rally for another time…like the year 2050. Phoenix might be able to rise from the ashes but recovering from a Trump rally might be asking too much. 

The Orangutan with a Twitter account is back at it this morning. He is blowing the “where will we stop if we keep removing confederate statutes” racist dog whistle. Here’s an easy guide for you, Mr Trumpster-fire. Public statues should be removed if: 

1. The person represented was a racist. 

2. The person represented was fighting for the side that lost…aka known as the confederate snowflake states of sister wives and uncle fathers. 

3. If the statue was erected during the Jim Crow South or as a reaction to the Civil Rights movement. 

4. If the person in the statue has two first names: Billy-Bob, Jimmy-Roy…

5. The guy is riding a horse. 

Trumplestillskin is asking where it all will stop. Will we want to remove Washington’s statues next? This is an interesting question. Here’s how Germany handled it: They removed all the Nazi stuff and put it in a museum that was called “We Screwed Up, Let’s Not Do It Again.” Here’s how the Czech Republic handled the Stalin statue: They blew it up and replaced it with a statue of Michael Jackson. (Google it. I know you are curious.) Here’s how Hungary handled all the communist statues: They took them down and put them in a park outside of Budapest. You can go and crawl all over the statues of Lenin and Stalin. Iraq tore down the statues of Saddam Hussain…if Iraq can get it right, you’d think we could too. 

Here is the one thing, Mr. President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Dumpster-Fire and Fury Von Trumplestillskin, future presidents won’t have to worry about: “What to do with a statue of Donnie Trump” because there will be no statues of our 45th president and biggest mistake. 

If I were to ever erect a statue it would be of a giant souvlaki.

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