Day 209

Remember how White House Chief of Staff John “Machine Gun” Kelly was going to bring stability to the Oval Office? How’s that going? If you saw Kelly at yesterday’s “Infrastructure” news conference, then you know Kelly is getting ready to run off fresh copies of his resume in the White House office copier. The Trump crazy train cannot be controlled. 

I’m not sure where to start…so let’s hit a couple easy ones. Two more people quit Trumplestillskin’s advisory panel. Trumplestillskin’s plan to cut funding for Obamacare will cause premiums to rise 20%. Trump’s infrastructure plan is to cut regulations because we don’t have enough skyscraper fires and people dying so guys like Agent Orange Julius Caesar Dumpster-Fire and Fury Von Trumplesillskin can make a buck. 

Let me lay this out for you in simple terms, the guy who can’t string together a coherent message without reading it (a skill most 3rd graders have mastered) is the guy we want deciding what regulations should be in place for building infrastructure? This clown is the guy we want saying, “You know, inspections are for sissies. We can save a million dollars on this building if we don’t install fire sprinklers”?

Before the Presidential Orangutan went off script, he talked about how he has created a million jobs and was the bestest president ever… (insert your own “the trains ran on time” Mussolini joke here). Since Trumplestillskin doesn’t know ANY history let me say it here, “Mussolini’s reign ended badly.” Those trains might have been on time, but eventually it was the noose makers who kept their jobs in Italy. (No, I’m not saying that Trump should be dragged through a street and hung in the city square. I’d be okay if he impeached and forced to live out his days in Trump Tower…as long as it was made into a free museum we could visit and walk through the golden lair. He could sit on his golden chair with a sign around his neck that said, “Made in America. Funded by Russia.”)

The rolling Trumpster-fire that was the press conference will probably be a historic moment that future generations look back on and ask, “Was this guy elected when people used leaches to heal diseases? Was this before they knew that the Earth revolved around the Sun? How much lead was in the water back then? I’m so glad we got rid of the Electoral College.” 

The press conference was 30 minutes of “where’d Grandpa leave his teeth this time.” There were lots of moronic half sentences spoken by our elected-orange-racisit-bag-of-Russian-pus, but nothing topped the dual statements that the Nazi’s had good people among them, and that the people who came to oppose the racists were to blame as much as the dudes who showed up with guns, shields, clubs, mace, and khaki pants. Ummm…there are no good racists. None. Show me a racist and I’ll show you a bad person. Defending a racist is like defending Jeffrey Dahmer because he attended Ohio State University for a semester. “He might have done some bad things, but he’s a Buckeye. He can’t be all bad.” Sorry, when you start eating people it kinda does wipe out all the times you gave a homeless guy a quarter. 

The second argument that both groups were to blame is a real beaut. Yep, if the entire city of Charlottesville left town and no one else was there except Team Trump. There probably would have been less violence. Let me apply that logic to the bombing of Pearl Harbor…yep, if we didn’t have any ships docked there hardly anyone would have been killed. Let give it another try, if we stopped opposing ISIS and just agreed with them there would be lots less violence. There seems to be a flaw in that logic…it’s called knowing the difference between good/evil. 

It’s time. It’s time for supporters of Team Trumplestillskin to make a stand. You’re either for goodness or for evil. Pick a side. 

As John Lennon once wrote, “if you want money for minds that hate, all I can tell you brother is you have to wait.” 

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again I’m on team souvlaki.

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