Day 204

Hold on tight kiddos, yesterday was locked and loaded and full of fire and fury. 

Let’s start with a moment of silence for Jeffrey “When Did Nazi References Become Off Limits?” Lord. Mr. Lord has been the longest lasting on-air defender of Trump on CNN. He joins the long line of Trump surrogates who have been tossed in the flaming trumpster fire. Peace out, Jeffrey, I hope you can find space in the coal mine with the rest of the Trumplestilskin defenders. 

The day after Agent Orange Julius Caesar Lord Dampnut Fire and Fury Von Trumplestillskin promised to destroy North Korea bigly, he came back to say that his rhetoric wasn’t strong enough. Does anyone else feel like the Orangutan in Chief is the drunk guy who you spend the whole night trying to keep out of a fight? “Wha’ did ya say to me? I’m gonna punch you in the face. No! Your Mom! Yah, le’s go outside.” The problem with all this tough talk is that when it gets to fighting time Donnie “Locked and Loaded Cheetos Fingers” is going to head into an underground bunker and we’re all going to be wondering how we got in this stupid fight. Trump has said that we have been too kind to NK over the years and what has that gotten us…peace? 

President Peter Principle thanked Vlad the election impaler for kicking out the 750 embassy workers. “That just saved us a lot of money.” Really? Is Trump that dumb? Does he think these people are hourly workers? You know what would save even more money? Not getting in a war. Reducing tax breaks for the 1%. Closing loopholes for moron corporations who go bankrupt and then write off the loses for ten years. Stopping government employed idiots from vacationing in Florida every weekend…. 

Mitch “Turtle Neck Isn’t A Preexisting Condition” McConnell has been tossed in the ol’ Trump frying pan. Trumplestillskin says that Mitch can get back on board team Trumpster Fire by getting Obamacare revoked, rewriting the tax code, and passing infrastructure improvements. This “Honey-Do” list might be why Lord Dampnut has gone bankrupt so many times. Someone needs to explain basic economics to him, or maybe he thinks that the 750 embassy workers’s salaries will cover all the infrastructure funds needed. This could be the tipping point for the Man Called Turtle. McConnell is an unlikable Testudine but he does survive, so if I were betting on who would last longer I’d put my money on McConnell. 

What was that sound? It was a big Russian shoe hitting the floor. Congressional investigators want to talk to Rhona Graff. Graff has been The Cheeto Fingered Vulgarian’s secretary for 30 years. She was included in the Don-Fredo emails setting up the meeting at Trump Tower with the Russian spies. If she was included, then you-know-who was probably included too. 

The more the Russian noose tightens, the more likely Agent Orange is to be starting a war…he’s got nothing to lose. If he starts a war, his base (aka single celled life forms) will rally behind him because he isn’t letting the US get pushed around by Un, and suddenly the Russian investigation will be over. 

If there is anything worth rallying around these days, it’s got to be souvlaki.

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