Day 203

We survived! North Korea (aka the only country with a leader more likely to accidentally start WWIII than the USA) kept all their ICBMs in North Korea and Trumplestilskin’s aides were able to show our fearless Orangutan where Guam was located on a map cleverly disguised as a golf course layout. They also showed President Fire and Fury Agent Orange Julius Caesar Lord Dampnut Von Trumplestilskin where South Korea was located. It took him five guesses to find North Korea. “Is it this one?” 

“No, that’s China.” 

“Is it this one?”

“No, that’s the ocean. All the blue is water.” 

“Oh….is it like that on all maps?” 

A giant inflatable chicken has roosted across the street from that dump on Pennsylvania Ave. The chicken has a silly looking hairdo and is full of warm air. It would cost too much to fill with what Trumplestilskin is full of. 

Senator Ron Johnson (R Wisc) said that McCain’s brain cancer affected McCain’s vote on healthcare. You can read that as, “He experienced healthcare and thought everyone should have it,” or you can read it as intended, “McCain’s brain wasn’t working when he voted.” We all know brain function isn’t a requirement to be a senator, but I’m pretty sure Johnson is the one with a form of cancer. (His cancer grows while watching Faux Newz and denying science.) 

Before I get to the big news of the day, let me gloat and have a moment of schadenfreude. There is no member of the Trump talking turnip-head class who I dislike more than Jason Miller. If you don’t know which one, he is, go to your pantry, get a potato, draw a goatee on it…that should remind you of who he is. Well, he is married and just had a child with his wife…and his mistress just had a baby too. The mother of baby number two was another Trump aide who was partying with Miller in Vegas while he was “separated.” This “separation” is probably like most of Miller’s statements: a lie. Should I get joy from someone else’s indiscretions? Maybe not, but you watch that talking potato for five minutes and you’ll change your tune. 

Paul “Get the Cannoli Leave the Russian Paperwork” Manafort got a wake-up call on July 26th called a “no knock” search warrant. These types of warrants are very hard to obtain because you must prove that the person being served is likely to destroy the evidence. So, the FBI broke down Manafort’s door and took his stuff. If you look at Trump’s tweet storm, that day and the next, it is very interesting. That is when the cheeto-fingered-vulgarian was calling Sessions names and then there was the Transgender ban. Insiders are saying that there will probably be more surprise searches. Don-Fredo Jr. better start wearing pajamas to bed. 

Finally, talking racist robot and C- debate captain Stephen Miller has declared that Lord Dampnut is the most gifted politician ever and the greatest orator ever… Stephen Miller is the guy who got in the war of words with Jim Acosta about the Statue of Liberty. “Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim….actually, actually, actually, actually Jim, Jim. Jim your cosmopolitain attitude shocks me. Jim, I can’t believe this Jim. Actually…” Mr. “You’re a Cosmopolitan” Miller has never had a real job where he had to lift anything heavier than 500 sheets of paper, and grew up in Santa Monica. Now he lives in a million-dollar apartment. This is my choice for the next FBI raid. They’ll most likely catch him plugged into his recharging station, or on the phone to China to get some of that George Constanza hair cream. Let’s hope it happens soon. 

You may only have one day left to eat that last souvlaki. Live it up before NK shoots off its weapons.

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