President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Lord Dampnut Von Trumlestilskin is on a 17-day vacation. His vacation plans are to: Spend more time reading biographies of great presidents, discuss future trends with Elon Musk and Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, form a comprehensive plan to rearrange America’s infrastructure, and join in a series of roundtable discussions with Nobel Prize scientists.

Just kidding. He’s going to golf, eat chocolate cake, and watch reality television. 

Machine Gun John Kelly has done a good job of keeping the Trumpster fire from getting on Twitter and tweeting out something stupid. Kelly has also instituted a serious protocol for people seeing Trump in the Oval Office. This should keep Trump from doing too many stupid things…until Trump gets bored and decides to attack North Korea. 

Mini-person and Jumbo Racist Gnome, Jeffro Bowdeen Sessions has gotten together a group to track down the leakers in the White House. Those bad people should be prosecuted for releasing information that shows how insane our current Orangutan in Chief is. What we need is a news organization to get out the truth. (Faux Newz can only do so much.) To fix the problem of pumping out more propaganda, Trump’s daughter in law will be hosting a weekly Facebook news program where you can get the unvarnished truth directly from the mouth of Big Brother. 

Speaking of mouths, I could really use a good souvlaki today.