Remember when President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Lord Dampnut Von Trumpenstein had fake Newsweek covers made and placed in his golf clubs? Well, now he won’t need to have a fake Newsweek cover because this week’s edition is out with the Orangutan-with-small-hands-and-big-plans on the cover. It’s not the type of cover he’s going to like. The picture is of him slumped a Lazy Boy chair with a bunch of empty fast-food containers around him. The headline reads: “Lazy Boy. Donald Trump is bored and tired. Imagine how bad he’d feel if he did any work.” People who subscribe to Newsweek should frame the cover and sent it to him at the White House. Something to liven up the “dump” on Pennsylvania Ave. 

GQ has an article titled: “Laziest President in American History Departs for a 17 Day Vacation.” The article uses a few of Trump’s own tweets critical of Obama taking vacations…Trump will spend more money on weekend trips and vacations in his first year than Obama did in his eight years. Trump also tweeted a few years ago that you don’t need vacations if you love your job. 

Why is the Liar in Chief heading off to vacation? Well, I guess the weather in DC is hot this time of year, and he might want to get out closer to the border so when Mueller comes to arrest him, he can make a run for Canada. Mueller has now impanelled a Grand Jury in WA DC. At the same time, General “I Thought You Guys Forgot About Me” Flynn has updated his financial disclosure forms again. This has some people believing that Flynn has turned over on the Presidental-Rolling-Trumpster-Fire and is working with Mueller. 

Trumplestilskin reacted by going to West Virginia to have a rally where he pretended he wasn’t president and asked for someone to investigate Hillary Clinton’s missing emails. You know who could do that? Someone in power…someone who knew the scope of the job of president…someone who doesn’t get his news briefings from Faux and Friendz. If you’re not seeing the pattern here, let me point it out: Trump does something stupid, the news kills him for a week, he gets all down in the dumps and eats four bags of Cool Ranch Doritos, he watches old episodes of Jersey Shore and won’t work, then his advisors plan a trip to see “real Americans” at a rally where he can feel good about himself again. The entire point of these trips is to make our grand baby boy feel good about himself. Maybe we should just buy him a participation trophy and say, “You were the best president ever. Here, take this trophy and go home.” Anyway, Trumplestilskin got the hillbillies in West Virginia all riled up and said that the whole Russian thing was a witch hunt. I’ll keep saying it. I’m all for a witch hunt if it ends in the traditional way. 

Speaking of meats cooked over an open flame, I could really go for a souvlaki.