Anthony “I Used To Play An Italian Stereotype on TV But Now I’m Just Another Guy Looking For A Coal Mining Job” Scaramucci is gone. The BBC said he got the sack. While the British term for getting fired is an interesting one, I like to think that what The Mooch said about Bannon helped someone write that headline. It’s a shame to say goodbye to The Mooch, but I have some ideas for future employment:
Deodorant salesman: “This stuff lasts longer than I did in the White House.”
Feminine Hygiene Products: “When that time of the month lasts longer than I did in the White House.”
Hairspray: “This stuff will hold your style longer than I was White House communications director.”
Constipation relief: “When you haven’t gone for as long as I was in the White House.”
Getting the sack wasn’t the worst part of The Mooch’s week, Harvard Law had him listed as dead. His wife left him. He had to turn in his secret Russian decoder ring.
Corey “Listening to me is like scrubbing your brain with a Brillo pad” Lewandowski was also fired yesterday. He had a job on some pro-Trump television network that no one has ever heard of. I guess they didn’t like it that he was appearing on a competing pro-Trump network too often: Faux Newz. Hey, Corey, I hear there are coal mining jobs in West Virginia. Give ’em a call, they need people who are willing to crawl into dark places.
Arizona Congressman, Trent “My Face Looks like a Dick Tracy Bad Guy” Franks has asked for Mueller to be fired. Franks was voted one of the ten weirdest congressmen in 2013. Good old shovel face thinks that Mueller was too close to Comey and therefore should be let go. Franks strikes me as the guy who watches his food turn in a microwave for entertainment.
Speaking of the Russian investigation, Don-Fredo may have gotten his daddy in lots of trouble. President Agent Orange Julius Caesar Lord Dampnut Von Trumpenstein wrote Don-Fredo’s get out of jail free card statement that said that he was just talking about Russian adoption and not about how to collude and get information on Hillary. The Presidential Orangutan is under the impression that he has not broken any laws, so he isn’t consulting any lawyers (or anyone else) before acting. The Greeks had a term for this: Stupid.
The Greeks also gifted the world with the deliciousness of souvlaki.