Day 186

As I type this, THE KUSH is behind the curtain in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee. He won’t be talking in public because what he might say is TOP SECRET. Who is more trustworthy than this guy? I mean, if THE KUSH has top secret clearance, then shouldn’t we all have it too? 

He released an eleven-page document before heading into testify. In the document he says he met with the Russians four times and had no idea that the Don-Fredo meeting was about getting information on Clinton from the Russians…the subject line for the email was “Re: Russia – Clinton – private and confidential.” I’m not sure how you could mistake this subject line for something else, but it seems pretty clear to me. 

THE KUSH is testifying but will not be under oath…by his request. It is against the law to lie to congress, so why is THE KUSH so worried about being under oath? I have a feeling the laws surrounding lying to congress and the laws for perjury are different, but I’m no lawyer so I’ll leave that up to the people with law degrees. 

Here’s what we do know: THE KUSH has already been caught lying about 50 times, he still has his top-secret clearance, he sounds like Michael Cera when he talks, and he has reworked his White House paperwork more times than Axl Rose did when recording Chinese Democracy. 

THE KUSH’s buddy in crime, Paul “Hey, Yous Guys” Manafort will be talking to congress soon too. I’m betting Manafort will be getting sized up for some concrete galoshes if his testimony doesn’t match up to THE KUSH’s. 

Poor Jeffro Bowdeen Sessions is getting the Trump treatment. Trump called the tiny racist gnome “beleaguered” in a tweet today. He didn’t even have the courtesy to use his name, he just called him the “beleaguered AG.” 

Here’s my prediction, Agent Orange Julius Caesar Trumpenstein is hoping Sessions will get sick of all this abuse and move back to his cookie making tree. Then Hairdo Donnie can replace Sessions with Rudy “I can say 9-11 more than you” Giuliani. Giuliani would fire Mueller and replace him with a fire hydrant named Bob. Bob would spend four years doing nothing and Trump’s supporters could say, “See, I told you it was a nothing burger.” This would put me in really tough spot because I’m not sure how my campaign promise to post this same stupid video everyday applies to a second Trump term. I’m pretty sure we will all be dead before that would happen, so we have that going for us. Until then, enjoy life and have one more souvlaki.

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