1. What’s your problem?
I knew you would ask that. My problem (it is probably more like problems) is that people in my community are carrying guns openly like they live in the Wild West.
2. Haven’t you heard of the Second Amendment?
3. You know you look stupid?
That’s the point.
4. Are you trying to help Obama get my guns?
No. I don’t want your guns, but I do want people to think about why they feel the need to carry a gun openly in public. There was a time in my life when I would have taken your guns and put them in a big sinkhole in Florida and covered them with concrete, but my thinking has evolved on this matter and now I just want people to keep their guns at home.
5. Is there a reason your thinking has evolved?
Yes, people are more paranoid than ever and you can’t reason with a paranoid person. I still want to take everyone’s guns and drop them in a big hole in Florida, but I realize I am wasting my time talking to gun nuts about their need for guns.
6. Did you just call me a gun nut?
Maybe, I believe there are two types of gun owners: Gun nuts, and people who own guns. The difference between a gun nut and a gun owner is that a gun nut wants an arsenal of AK-47s and long-range sniper rifles. Gun nuts also do the Open Carry thing. Gun owners might own guns for hunting and a hand gun because they think zombies are going to attack.
7. What if a bad man with a gun tried to shoot you, then wouldn’t you want a gun or somebody with a gun to protect you?
No, in the highly unlikely event that someone starts shooting at me I will run like the big Pinko-Liberal-Pansy-ChickenLivered-GirlyBoy that I am. If I get shot then I guess I get shot. I would prefer to live in a world where nobody has a gun. Guns do not make people safer.
8. If you don’t like it here then you can leave.
That’s not a question. I do like a lot of things about the United States, but I also feel like I am trapped in an abusive relationship.
9. When did you come up with the idea of carrying a big Nerf gun around?
I don’t know the exact moment when my idea turned from idea to action, but I think it was when my daughter came home from her summer job and said that a guy was doing his Open Carry thing in her workplace. It scared her to have someone she did not know pretending to be Barney Fife with his gun on his hip. It also made me think about who we would allow to carry a gun openly in our society. To me the Open Carry movement is just another example of how militarized our culture is and how there is an underlying racism that we continually fail to acknowledge.
10. Hold on a moment, how is this a racist movement?
How long would this movement last if groups of young black men started walking through malls with big guns? What if a group of men from Saudi Arabia started walking around Walmart with AK-47s? How long do you think it would take before people called the SWAT team to surround and disarm those groups? That is how the movement is racist.
11. You didn’t explain the militarized culture thing, are you planning on defending that statement?
Fear is the world’s great motivator. Fear is what is driving this Open Carry movement and fear is what causes the United States to spend more on our military than the rest of the world combined. Fear doesn’t solve problems, it creates problems. Fear causes us to spend money on weapons that will only cause us to need more weapons. Here is a math problem for you: If a bomb costs 1 million dollars and the United States drops 50 bombs a day on a smaller country, how long will it take for the United States to spend a billion dollars on bombs? Put away your calculator. It is a trick question. It doesn’t matter how long because in the United States the only thing we have an endless supply of money for is bombs.
12. How long do you plan on doing this stupid thing?
I don’t know.
13. Aren’t you worried that someone will want to hurt you?
There is that possibility, but sometimes people need to stand up for what they believe in, and I believe in exercising my First Amendment to make a point.
14. And…that point is?
I can look like an idiot in public just like the real Open Carry guys.
Categories: Operation Open Carry Nerf