What Makes You an Expert on Canada?

Panorama
Images in this picture are larger than they appear.

I can see Canada from my house.

No, this is not a picture from my house, I can’t afford to live up on this hill, but if I stood on a really tall ladder on top of my house (a 200′ ladder maybe) I could see Canada across the Strait of Juan de Fuca. Vancouver Island, home of Victoria BC and lots of trees, is a stone’s throw (a George Washington stone’s throw) from the humble village I call home.

Satellite image of the Strait of Georgia, Stra...
See? The only thing between me and Canada is water, and a few laws preventing me from rowing my kayak over there on weekends. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have also pretended to be Canadian when I travel so that people don’t think I am an American jerk. (This has never been successful because I am not polite enough, don’t speak a second language, and think Celine Dion is overrated.)  I have practiced talking like a Canadian and have even adopted a few Canadian mannerisms like saying, “Sorry” frequently (pronounced sOOOry in Canadian).

Now that we have established my bona fides, on to the guide.


12 thoughts on “What Makes You an Expert on Canada?

  1. Wrong. 80% of Canadians think Celine Dion is overrated. 19% think it’s weird that she married that old guy and scienced up babies. The other 1% are part of her freakishly extended family.

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  2. I glanced out my back door to see what claims to fame I may have overlooked. All I’ve got is my neighbors’ goat pen and a blackberry patch.

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      1. Yes that and the fact that Miley Cyrus is a whore. We need global agreement on both those issues in order for world peace to kick in.

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